Technical Difficulties
by DarowdrynofArcadia
Summary: Shepard, galactic hardcase and emotional non-entity, meets her match in a timid and unassuming quarian girl. Intrigued by the softness of her new crew member's heart, not to mention her blind faith, Shepard starts to learn what it means to be human for the first time in her life. Rated M for violence, profanity, and some fluff.
1. First Meetings

Ok, a bit of background for this story...

_Technical Difficulties is a FemShep/Tali pairing that starts right at the beginning of #1, and will feature cute little Tali worming her way into the heart of decidedly Renegade Victory Shepard. Not as combat-centric as AM, TD drags Garrus Vakarian through the hell of unrequited love, first with Shepard, and then with Tali. For Tali, her Pilgrimage takes a strange turn when she joins the mission to defeat Saren and stop the Reapers, because throughout the entire mission, she sees Victory act like a hardass and even occasionally like a monster when interacting with others, but with her and her alone, the Commander is definitely a soft touch, smiling and blushing when the quarian does something cute or reacts to something she says. Tali begins to question her own sexuality early on as she begins to suspect the truth about the Commander's, and as the end comes into sight she forces herself to confront her fears and her emotions with Victory at her side._

_After the mission ends in success, Tali remains with Shepard though she is able to complete her Pilgrimage. Four weeks of searching for Geth ensues, during which Tali begins to grow comfortable with where her life is leading her. Then the Collectors attack, and she watches the first person to ever hold her heart die. (Expect at LEAST one chapter of Tali grieving for Shepard.) Two years pass, and suddenly Tali is confronted with the ghosts of her past and the emotions she thought long dead. She tries to keep it behind her, but seeing Victory alive again haunts her and makes her wonder... Did Cerberus change her, or is she still the same woman? Victory has a similar issue, since the last thing she remembers is the vacuum of space, then wakes up in a Cerberus lab only to find Tali on the first planet she travels to. They meet again on Haestrom, with Shepard still angry from her encounter with Ashley Williams on Horizon, and Tali sees the ravaging effect of two years of history and confusion having all landed on the woman she loves, who has once again saved her from death. She rejoins Victory and rekindles hope in her, allowing her to fight harder and helping her make the choices she must to stop the Collectors, and by extension the Reapers._

_When Victory is called home and relieved from duty due to destroying a mass relay in a bid to delay the Reapers a little longer, Tali returns to the Fleet again just in time to see her people make progress in their campaign to retake their homeworld. Victory is left without news from the outside world, and Tali is left not knowing what is happening to her lover, until the Reapers finally make their return and Victory is reinstated, leading the charge and uniting the races despite not being a politician or even remotely diplomatic. When her people start a war against the Geth, Tali sends a discrete and encoded message to EDI requesting assistance in order to bring her and Victory together for what may be the last time. At the end of it all, when all hope seems lost, they find happiness together._

I know that this seems a little odd, and more than a little non-canon, but I have my reasons for wanting to write this story the way I have it outlined. That's also the exact plot description I gave when originally posting this up elsewhere, so I have some more things to say about it now.

This story is over a year old, and I've had to go a long way to get it where I wanted to go. Now I just have to write it. This is going to take some time to do well, especially since there is another author here that I'm actually trying to be able to write like(in terms of length of chapters.)

The first seven chapters are rather short, because I was writing them with time limits and that kinda sucks. I'll be trying to actually get them to be longer, much longer, from here on out, believe me. Now, some background on the way things are in my version of the Mass Effect Universe.

Shepard is a product of her early life, far less human than she ought to be. Experiences while she was young and growing up on the streets led her down a hard path, and she's very cold towards the sanctity of life because of it. There will be some elaboration in the eighth chapter as to what happened at all points, so don't you fret. There will also be some serious character exposition to flesh out the way things happen here, from several POVs.

I wanna say thank you to SlyGoddess for illustrating how useful that actually is in stories simply by doing that in her Fem!Harry slashfic.

Also, some of the historical points of the story are going to lead into a different set of circumstances than what actually happened in the games, so look forward to those.

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**Chapter 1:** First Meetings

"Shepard, slow down. We can't go charging in like we did with Fist, it'll just get her killed."

"Garrus, shut the fuck up. If I say charge, you charge and you kill them quick. Get it? Now move, we can't stop to chitchat."

The small human infiltrator grabs the collar of her turian comrade and shoves him forward into cover behind a tall crate, then waves her other squadmate, a huge krogan with a red forehead plate and several scars, into position with him before ducking behind a short partition.

She listens for a moment, smirking as the turian assassin's attempt to flirt with his mark falls flat. _'It's like he has no idea how to get what he wants without trying to sleep with a woman first.'_ she muses to herself. Tired of waiting, she signals Garrus to fire and start the fun. When his rifle barks, the resulting shockwave shakes the entire alley that they're in, or so it seems until Shepard stands up to fire off a sabotage mine. The krogan, Urdnot Wrex, charges out of hiding with a roar as impressive as his shotgun's and blasts the second salarian in the chest, shredding his body.

The turian is frustratedly trying to unjam his overheating gun when an Overload rips through his shields. Shepard's M-77 Paladin barks once, the anti-personnel round punching a neat little hole through his forehead. "See, piece of cake. She's not even scratched, and they're all dead." The krogan looks up at her and rumbles, "I think surprise might have been on our side, Shepard."

The quarian they were protecting pops her head up from her hiding place, her voice soft with awe and a bit of fear as she murmurs, "Keelah..."

Garrus winces inwardly as he anticipates the tirade that Shepard is about to embark upon, ripping into the quarian for trying to speak to the Shadow Broker, and especially for believing that Fist could actually arrange a meeting with him in person. "This is gonna be bad." he mutters to himself.

"Are you ok? They didn't hurt you did they?"

"Y-yes, thank you. They didn't even damage my suit. How did you find me?"

"I had a little chat with Dr. Chloe Michel, and she told me to talk to Fist. After I killed all of his guards, I had a little chat with him too, then let my krogan associate complete his end of a job. We came as quickly as we could, and it looks like it wasn't a moment too soon either. What's your name?"

"Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, of the Migrant Fleet. Thank you for saving me, but... why?"

"You...have something I want, something that will help me nail Saren Arterius to the wall. That bastard betrayed the council, and more importantly, he attacked Eden Prime and slaughtered the colonists there."

In the back of Garrus' mind, he's questioning this turn of events. _What the hell is going on? I meet this woman and the first thing she does is shoot four men down without batting an eye, tells me I took a good shot to rescue Dr. Michel, then goes down to C-Sec and makes a krogan actually like her. We get to Chora's Den and she wreaks havok in there with tech powers and a pistol, scares the two dock workers that Fist had strong-armed into being guards, then walks in and coolly neuters Fist. We get here, and she rips me a new one for suggesting caution, then shows her ruthless side again. Now, when faced with a quarian kid on Pilgrimage, she's suddenly almost... nice._

Wrex leans over and grumbles, "Are you as lost as I am? When the hell did someone who's practically krogan turn nice on us?"

Shepard turns on them both and barks, "Stow the damn chatter, we need to get Tali's evidence up to the ambassador. If he says one wrong word to her though, I swear I'll crack him one. She's just a scared kid."

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"So, how are you settling in Tali?" Shepard queries, leaning against the console in the engine bay.

Inside her suit, Tali blushes a little at the attention the dangerous woman is giving her, and at how gentle she is when she talks to her. There is a hint of something in her voice, something Tali can't place, though it seems like she should be able to. "I-I'm fine, Shepard. I mean, I-I'm settling in well! I mean... oh Keelah..." Tali starts to fidget and fiddle with tiny engine functions, trying to hide her embarassment, and Shepard laughs.

It's the first time anyone on the ship has ever heard her laugh. She knows that most of her crew is a bit frightened of her, and she'd heard at one point that Joker, the pilot, had called her the "Torfan Butcher". If she is honest with herself, it's because no one was ever important enough for her to get close to, so she just never cared about anything but getting the mission done and moving on to the next one. Not since...years before, anyway.

But now, this one person, this _alien_, this girl barely away from home, has managed to slip through her defenses, just a little. Just enough to matter, to keep her from getting yelled at for not knowing better. Just enough to keep Shepard from putting a gun to her mask and telling her that if she _ever_ jeopardized her mission like that again, knowingly or not, she would put her down. Just enough for her to care. Just enough...

"Please Tali," she whispers, "Just call me Vicky. I... I'd appreciate it, a lot."

"V-vicky? Why?" the quarian queries.

"My name is Victory, but no one ever calls me by my first name. Most are just too scared to, and I get why. But some, they just don't want to, and others I won't allow to. It's too... personal. I want _you_ to though." Shepard's cheeks are a light shade of gray now, her dark skin flushed, and Engineer Adams is staring at the pair with undisguised shock. He quietly types a short message and sends it, discretely telling Joker about what is happening.

A moment later, he is staring at Shepard's omni-tool as it glows in his face. Her gray eyes are cold once more, and Joker's voice crackles over the intercom of the entire ship, "Shepard is _what?_ She's actually smiling? At _Tali_? And blushing?!"

Without missing a beat or letting her arm fall, Shepard hits the intercom for the cockpit and says with acid dripping from her voice, "Get back to work Joker, before I start playing 'What breaks when I hit you here?'." Then she rounds on Adams and growls, "As for you, Engineer Adams, you start gossiping like a little schoolgirl and I will personally relieve you of duty and promote someone else to your position."

With that, she turns to Tali, smiles once more, and walks out of the engine bay.


	2. Asari Troubles

"Commander, I must stress how important it is-"

"Yeah, I get it. Safety of Council Space and all that. Fuck off, I know what I'm doing, and I know what has to be done. I'll stop Saren, no matter what it takes." With that, Shepard disconnects from the Council comm hub and stalks out of the debriefing room. "Joker, we almost to Therum yet?"

"Yes Commander, ETA five minutes."

"Good. I want to kill something right now. With my hands. Long-range scanners picking up any activity?"

"Yes Commander, there are several drop-ships and cruisers in orbit around the planet, ladar paints them as Geth, probably working for Saren."

Shepard grins wide, her eyes cold and the twisting scar that mars her lips making the look seem fierce. "Perfect. Tell Garrus to prepare the Mako, I'm going to suit up and contact my away team."

Tugging on the last piece of her armor, the Commander comms down to the shuttle bay. "Vakarian, get your ass suited up and in the Mako, we're going planetside. Five minutes."

"Right away Commander."

Hitting the comm for the engine room, her voice changes drastically and she almost purrs, "Tali, get ready for deployment. We're going planetside to extract Dr. T'Soni, I want you with me."

"Y-yes Vicky."

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"Stupid fucking elevator, takes forever to go down one level." she grumbles as she hops aboard the Mako. Garrus looks at her, his amusement dancing in his eyes. _'How like her, or at least the version of her she's let me get to know.'_ he thinks to himself. To him, she's always been like this. In his mind and in her files, for the last five years she's been a cold, ruthless, angry woman who will stop at nothing to get the job done, no matter how many people die or get hurt. Her service record shows that she will _try_ to save innocents, if she can or if it's convenient, but if the mission is jeopardized by that action, she won't. It's that simple to her, and it's part of why he almost admires her.

Tali squirms, unsure what to expect from this obviously volatile woman, especially since she seems capable of rapid shifts in mood. This is the second time in the past week she's seen her switch between angry and friendly in the space of a single heartbeat and back again. What does it mean, and more importantly, what does it mean for her that she seems to be the reason that Shep-...Vicky switches to being friendly at all? She had asked the pilot, Joker she thinks they call him, what the Commander was like normally, and he had just looked at her like she was asking if a varren would bite. Eventually, he had told Tali that the Commander was 'a badass soldier and a colossal bitch with a history of shooting first and never asking questions later.' And yet...Vicky was never bitchy to her.

"Garrus, I want you on guns, Tali I want you watching for hostiles. When you find them, paint a target so the turian can light 'em up."

Tali and Garrus speak in unison, "Aye-aye Commander."

"Oh, and you might want to strap in. Joker likes to drop the tank a little-" She never got to finish, because they all felt the momentum shift and their stomachs trying to climb out of their throats. Tali shrieked in fear and scrambled to buckle herself down, noticing that Garrus had already done so and was simply looking a little nauseous. Shepard quickly grabbed the steering column and attempted to even out her breathing so she could keep them stable. Even with her firing the jump-jets, the jolt when they hit the ground was harsh enough to jerk her restraints, and she still almost hit the roof.

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Time from touchdown to the destination seems to run quickly, at least until they have to get out of the truck and move in on foot.

"We're still about a click from the dig site, team. Guns at the ready, and stay sharp."

Victory leads her team up the mountain path, her pistol ready, Tali adjusting to the weight of her new M-11 Wraith shotgun, and Garrus checking the lips of the ravine through the scope of his M-29 Incisor so keep the geth from surprising them. Even so, it's still Vicky who sees enemies first. Immediately she throws out a sabotage, causing a rocket trooper's gun to misfire and explode, and Tali hacks one of the shock troopers she can see. Garrus takes a round in the shoulder, his shields mitigating most of the force though it still makes him angry enough to roar at the sniper in the tower ahead.

Vicky and Tali stand back to back, the quarian tossing a Sabotage, the human laying out an Overload, staggering and stunning the couple geth who survived in that area and dropping the rest. Tali blasts holes in the platforms of those left standing and Vicky picks off the hacked geth with her pistol, the new tungsten rounds making quick work of the alloy hardshell.

Garrus has taken two more shots while trying to scope the sniper, the last one punching through his shields and armor to burrow a shallow hole in his gut. Blue blood seeps out and his breathing hits a rapid tempo that matches his rising temper, a chilling war-cry echoing from the walls, the proton rounds dropping the shields of the Geth and frying its circuits. "Got one!"

Tali looks at him and says with a smile in her voice, "Only one? There were nine, you know." Vicky snickers at that and playfully barks, "Cut the chatter Tali, he can't help it. He's just not as good as we are."

Waving her hand for an all-clear, she leads them forward again, Tali happily cradling her shotgun and Garrus scratching his fringe in confusion again. Yet when a rocket streak down off the ridge and impacts two feet from Tali, Garrus is the one to notice the origin and spring into action, taking down the Geth platform.

Vicky is fretfully scanning the quarian for injuries or holes in her envirosuit. "You okay? You better be okay..."

"Y-yeah, I'm fine Vicky. Just a little shaken. I thought we'd gotten them all."

"Me too..."

Garrus clears his throat, a smirk on his face that gets him in trouble almost immediately. "If you've got time to smirk turian, you've got time to be scouting. Get your ass moving! No more surprises, you hear me? I wanna know what we're facing before it knows it's facing us."

His head spinning again, Garrus trots on ahead. He hits his commlink back to the Normandy and asks, "You getting the feed Joker?"

"Yeah, I got it. Can't make heads or tails of it, but I've got it. When she's faced with that kid, it's like Torfan never happened. I just don't get it, that's not the Commander I know. And she lets Tali call her Vicky? That's _never_ happened before, even Anderson couldn't call her Vicky."

"Dammit, I wish I knew what was going on in her head."

"So do we all, big guy, but I'm not even sure _she_ knows her own mind."

"Hnh. Garrus out." Terminating the comm link, he's standing at the top of the hill when Shepard and Tali come into view. A moment later, he hears the clicks of the Geth language but can't pinpoint its location because of the roar of the jets on the dropship that flies low enough to deploy.

"Armature!" he yells out, warning the women of the largest threat he can see a second before a Geth Hopper hits him with a Sabotage. He blindly throws an Overload, hoping his shields recharge in time to protect him from the troops he saw drop around the Armature.

Vicky tosses out her own Overload with much greater precision and takes the Hopper down pointing and firing at the other while Tali, already used to Shepard taking care of the bigger threats, focuses on the Hunters moving towards her position.

"Stupid- goddam..fuck! Stupid fucking Geth!" Vicky screams in frustration, trying desperately to hit the second Hopper, her pistol barking and her rounds missing every time because the platform is so quick. Tali fires her shotgun twice for both hunters, taking them out of the the fight, then quickly tosses an Overload at the Hopper. It freezes for a few seconds, giving Vicky enough time to fire three rounds into it, dropping it to the ground.

Garrus' shields are back up and he's rolled around the cover farthest from the Armature, his sniper rifle exchanged for his M-15 Vindicator assault rifle. His mouth firmly shut, he fires quickly, the burst-fire of the rifle keeping it accurate and helping to maximize damage. When the last trooper falls, he dodges back into cover. "Now what?"

Swapping her pistol for the new rifle she hasn't even gotten to use yet, a sleek black model that she pulled from Spectre reqs, she grins. "Use your head, Garrus. This is the easy part, isn't it? I hit it with Sabotage, short out its pulse for a little while. You and Tali hit it with Overload, put a dent in its shields. Then all three of us aim for center mass on that thing and give it everything we've got. As powers recharge, we throw them as necessary. In three... two..."

On one, all three of them duck out of cover and open fire.

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After clearing out the few remaining Geth inside the dig site, Shepard is staring through an energy barrier at the asari hanging suspended in the air.

"Ok, I have to ask. The fuck happened to you?"

Taken aback, the asari splutters, "D-wha..? I-I mean... Well, when Geth starting infiltrating, I came in here and raised the shield, but I must have triggered something, because I ended up in this stasis field. You have to get me out of here, but the controls are on this side. Whatever you're going to do, do it quickly before more Geth come."

"Uh-huh. Ok then." Vicky just nods, derision and disbelief plain on her scarred face. She trots down to the mining laser below the platform and quickly decodes the activation sequence, drilling a hole in the rock to a lower passage.

"Well, isn't it her lucky day?" she says to no one in particular, "I just found the little cubbyhole with the central elevator. Come on, let's go get Miss Ditz out of that stasis field."

Tali takes the controls and raises the platform, then cuts through the control panel keeping the asari in place. The doctor shakes her head in wonder, dazed at how easily this small team of disparate comrades seem to do... well... everything. "How did you-OOF!"

Massaging her knuckles, Vicky stands over the scientist and sneers, "I used a big fucking gun to blow my way through to you. And the next time you feel like messing with something technical that you don't understand? Don't. I probably won't come to save your sorry ass again. Right now though, Alliance _and_ Council Command think you'll be of use on my mission."

Garrus kneels, helping her up. "Come on, Dr. T'Soni, and don't take it personally. That's pretty much how she greets everyone. First time I met her, I was lucky enough to survive because I ducked when she started firing."

With all four of them on the platform again, Tali gives the command to ascend again, taking them to the top level. The barrier is down at first, yet when the Commander takes a step towards it, Geth troopers step out of hiding from behind the crates near the entrance and the krogan battlemaster in command of the unit steps forward. "Hand the asari over and surrender now. Or don't, that would be more fun."

Vicky grinds her teeth and barks out, "I don't have time for this idiot, charge!" The battlemaster laughs and rumbles out, "I like you human. It's almost a shame you have to die." before Vicky's helmet collides with his forehead. His surprised grunt just makes her grin as she charges her omnitool.

Dr. T'Soni curls up in a ball in the center of the platform and raises a barrier around herself, leaving Garrus and Tali to open fire on the Geth with tech attacks and gunfire. Shepard shoves her hand against the battlemaster's armor while he's dazed from her headbutt and pours electricity into him, shortcircuiting his biotic implants and dissipating his barrier.

He recovers in time to go into a rage and swat her away, but even as she's flying through the air, Vicky is firing at him and causing his dark blood to spray everywhere. Garrus pours bullets into him and perforates his body, but the krogan is just regenerating too fast for it to put him down for good. Finally, Tali pumps three incendiary rounds into his back, stopping his remarkable healing abilities in their tracks and shredding him within.

"-huff-...-huff-...-huuu- Time to go, Vicky. We've got the doctor, and I'm pretty sure-"

At that moment, a loud rumbling can be heard, and chunks of the cavern start to fall. Tali shouts, "Run!" and takes off, Vicky right behind her, with Garrus dragging the stumbling asari and bringing up the rear. They charge helter skelter up the access tube and into the open air ouside, escaping the collapse right as Joker brings the Normandy down for extraction, answering the beacon Vicky sent when the cave-in started.

"I am going to be _soooo_ sore after that punch."

Garrus rolls his eyes and mutters to the asari, "Great. Now she'll be even more vile-tempered. How about you doc-"

"Please, call me Liara, i-it's not so formal and stiff." the asari says with a faint blush.

"Okay, how about you Liara, you alright?" he asks, helping her onboard and beginning to chat to ease his nerves.


	3. Reactionary

_What the fuck is going on with me? One kid joins my crew and I'm a mush, that's what everyone is saying. This has got to stop. I have to go put Tali in line, just like I did everyone else._

Victory turns the left side of her face to the mirror, forcing herself to look at the rough expanse of skin where her cheek used to be. _I got my face half blown off on Torfan. I'm the baddest soldier the Alliance has, and I'm the first human Spectre. Everyone on this ship fears me, and for good reason. I'm the goddamn Torfan Butcher, and they all know it. They know I won't hesitate to put any one of them down for the sake of the mission._

Out loud, she tells her reflection, "This is getting out of hand. Tali is just a kid on Pilgrimage, and she's already endangered the mission once. Just think about that." Not giving herself time to think, she spins on her heel and marches out the door of her cabin and to the elevator down to the shuttle bay and engine room.

_...What am I becoming?_ she asks herself as the doors close. She shakes her head, forcing it to clear of any thoughts other than how the quarian had jeopardized her mission early on. As the slow elevator drifts down, she works herself into a near blood-frenzy, forcing the anger to come so that she can do what needs to be done.

The elevator opens to Garrus fidgeting with a bunch of flowers he must have picked up on the Citadel when he was there last and pacing. Victory doesn't even blink, though it seems out of place, and instead just bulls her way through him, knocking the blooms from his hand and grinding them under her boots without meaning to.

The turian just shakes his head and thinks to himself, _Par for the course so far._

Striding through the door, her boots making the flooring ring, Shepard starts to speak, "Tali, let's get-"

The quarian spins, almost toppling over in her enthusiasm fueled by equal parts embarrassment and excitement. "Vicky! I-I didn't expect to see you so soon! I mean, w-we just... You just.. On Feros... Oh Keelah, I can't speak properly when you're around, I-I..." she trails off in confusion, noting the hard look in the Commander's eyes even as it fades and is replaced with something softer.

_I can't yell at her, just... __**look**__ at her. I can't yell at her. Oh gods, I can't yell at her! What's happening to me?!_Vicky's eye's go wide and she covers her face, hiding her shame from everyone there.

"V-vicky? Are you okay?"

"YES! YEAH, I'M FINE, TALI! WHY WOULDN'T I BE?!" Shepard shouts back, startling the young girl with her awkward outburst. She claps her hands over her mouth immediately and stares at Tali for a moment before bolting back the way she came.

"Vicky? Sh-shepard, wait!" the confused quarian cries, "Don't... don't leave me behind..."

Outside the engine room, Victory sees Garrus still standing there, one of his claws scratching the edge of his fringe. Knowing he can take it, knowing that she can't really hurt him, knowing that he's over six feet of scary with a rifle, she runs up and swings her fist into his jaw. They're both surprised when the bone of his mandible cracks, though for her it's surprise that she actually did hurt him, and for him it's surprise that she punched him. She stands there, her hand bleeding from the cuts and torn skin his scaly skin left, and tries to calm herself down. When she can, she whispers shakily, "I'm sorry Garrus, I... I don't know what's wrong with me, and when I saw you still here, I knew that... you had to hear that. I knew you had to hear what just happened, and I thought I couldn't hurt you, and I just don't know what else to do. All I know is violence..." She stares at him for a moment, her steel eyes unreadable, and then just walks into the elevator to head up top.

Garrus shakes his head, every bit as confused as her. _What the hell is wrong with that woman? I can't get a read on her at all. Maybe Joker is right, and she really is a psychopath._ Tali runs by, jostling him as she chases after the Commander in an attempt to get to the elevator before the doors close. Instead, she can only bang uselessly against them as the lift takes Victory momentarily out of reach.

Garrus grabs her shoulder in an effort to calm her down and ascertain what's going on, murmuring to her, "It's okay kid, don't sweat it. She does this all the time. Now, what happened? I mean what really happened, I only know that Shepard shouted something about being alright."

Her own anger and frustration and hurt and confusion at what is occurring with the Commander gets the better of her, and Tali rounds on the turian. "Mind your own fucking business and sod off you stupid bosh'tet! What the hell do you know anyway, she's never looked at you once since she met you. She looks at me in a way that no one ever has before, and I don't know why, and I don't care, because all I know is that I like it. So you can take your stupid platitudes and your flowers and your empty words and cram them up your ass alongside the stick you can't seem to shit out."

She punches the button to call the elevator in the moment of silence that follows, the turian stunned that she is capable of such an outburst, then almost as an afterthought adds, "Oh, and if you ever put your hand on me again and I _didn't_ ask you to do so, I'll cut your balls off and sell them to a krogan."

Her eyes still locked on his face, she backs into the elevator when the doors open, savoring every last second of his incredulity. Garrus shakes his head again, the single thought repeating itself simply, _'I'll never understand women.'_ Ashley and Wrex, having watched and heard most of the last couple minutes, jog up behind him to laugh and joke at his expense. He can't blame them though, now that it isn't happening he himself can look at it from their point of view and see a little humor in it.

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Victory stares into the emptiness a few inches from her nose, quiet and sullen for a different reason than usual. All she can think about is her outburst a little while ago in the engine room and what Tali must think of her now. Almost as if on cue, a knock comes at the door and an uncertain voice echoes into her head.

"Hello? Victory? C-can I come in? I-it's kind of really important..."

"Yeah, sure kid... Door's open, come on in."

Tali steps into the captain's cabin as the panels woosh open, her steps timid and light. Vicky hasn't moved, still staring at a fixed point that seems to be nowhere, but she's not telling Tali to get out or where to sit, so the quarian cautiously takes a seat on the bed right next to her.

"Are... are you okay Commander?"

"I thought I asked you to call me Vicky, Tali'Zorah."

"Y-you did. And I was, but... after that outburst, I w-wasn't sure what you wanted anymore." the young woman mumbles, her hands wringing together.

_'Say it. Just say it. Tell her what her place is, what it __**has**__ to be. C'mon Vicky, just SAY it!'_ Vicky's body moves, her hips rolling and her torso twisting to land her squarely in Tali's lap, her legs stradling the quarian's waist. "You. I want you. Here. With me. And I want you to want that too. Most of all, I want you to be happy, and safe."

_'Not that, you dumbass. The OTHER thing you were supposed to say. You know, about how she'd better not undermine the mission or risk it again, or else you'll sacrifice her for the sake of the galaxy?'_ "I'm prepared to lay siege at your door until I get what I want, Tali. I always get what I want..." she says nervously, one hand on Tali's shoulder while the other uncertainly strokes the side of her mask. '_Fuck. You just can't stop sabotaging yourself, can you soldier? Fine, eat your heart out. Stupid bitch...'_

Vicky forces her inner monologue to shut up so that she can hear Tali's reaction to her admission. The quarian fidgets, her eyes skating away from Vicky's intense stare even though inside her mask she is smiling and blushing. She wants so much to make this woman happy, because she can see that Victory has had very little happiness and almost no one to care about ever. That Victory just said she wants Tali there, by her side and happy, causes her heart to squeeze tight and yet feel like it's going a FTL speeds. Is the Commander...?

"O-of course, Vicky. I want to... to..." she begins, her right hand reaching up to caress the scars on the other woman's face. "I w-want to be here too. With you. I want to be with you. But..."

She forces herself to look up, to look Victory in the face and say, "B-but I don't know what I'm doing, or even what _we're_ doing. I've never had anyone look at me the way you do, and I feel... strange when you do. I like it, but I don't know what it is. I-I think I know what you're t-trying to say, but..."

Victory places her finger over the lower part of the mask symbolically and smiles, making a shushing sound. "Shhhh, it's ok Tali. We've got time to figure it out. " Her heart is dancing a samba and her nerves are on fire, but the grin on her face is brighter than a sun. She wiggles a little bit, her body settling closer to the girl in whose laps she sits, and though she has no idea what Tali will think of it, she places a gentle peck where her finger was just a moment before.


	4. Icy Receptions

_Med Bay, Normandy. Ship is holding steady in orbit, preparing for descent to Noveria.  
Mission is to find, question, and detain Matriarch Benezia, mother of crew member Liara T'Soni._

_Shepard has...concerns regarding the loyalty of the Asari scientist she brought onboard. Though she has never given the Commander any reason to doubt her, Shepard is well-known, renowned even, for her inability to trust anyone. This complex likely stems from the fact that she grew up alone on Earth, running with other orphans. Early psychological reports on the Commander show vast amounts of mental trauma, leading to a deeply ingrained distrust of the motives of others._

_During the Alliance assault of the Smuggler's Moon Torfan, she led her squad in a kamikaze raid, slaughtering every Batarian she came across whether they fought back or not. Word spread through their lines like wildfire, and the frenzied resistance that came as a result not only directly caused the loss of nearly 80% of her soldiers, but also earned her the...uncomplimentary title "Butcher of Torfan". As an incidental note, the pilot of the Normandy later refined the title to a shorter yet equally brutal version, "Torfan Butcher"._

_There are several theories as to why this happened, but I myself happen to know the truth. Most people believe she is just, as the soldiers say, a bitch. There are a few that have theorized that her parents were killed by batarians, or that she just hates aliens, and I'm sure they would be confused by the fact that the majority of her current squad are in fact aliens. The truth of the matter is much simpler, and quite sad. Just before the attack on Elysium, a small group of researchers was killed by a band of batarian mercenaries, as was the Alliance security detail with them. There was someone that the Commander...cared about very much in that detail, and she never got over that loss._

_Her first mission under the scrutiny of the council also contributed to her repulsion for others, I am sure. Not only did she lose an eager young private because he could not contain his enthusiasm enough to follow her orders, but the Council Spectre who was there to evaluate her also lost his life. Her anger was inflamed when she made her report to the Council, only to have the perpetrator of the very war crimes that caused the deaths of Pvt. Jenkins and the turian Spectre Nihlus be pardoned by the Council on the basis of insufficient evidence._

_Now, she has been ordered to hunt down and neutralize the former Spectre, Saren Arterius, along with his co-conspirator Matriarch Benezia. Though it is in the best interest of the mission's success, having the daughter of that very Asari matriarch aboard rubs the Commander the wrong way, and her distrust for Liara's motives has never been more obvious than it is today. She has already visited the Asari's quarters to inform her that she will be remaining on the ship, either of her own free will or in chains, so that she cannot experience a change of heart and choose to help her mother._

_Commander Victory Shepard is without a doubt a very angry and skeptical woman, but there is hope on the horizon. The addition of the Quarian mechanic Tali'Zorah nar Rayya seems to be subtly changing her, at least in regards to one single person on this ship. The only other person whom I believe she has ever let see her vulnerable in the least is Cpt. David Anderson, a man that I believe she sees as something of a replacement father figure. Perhaps this small change will have the effect of making it so that Shepard does not seem to be constantly courting death._

_Dr. Karin Chakwas_  
_Ship Medic_

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_Mission Log.  
Noveria assualt on Matriarch Benezia._

"Where do I begin?" Victory huffs grumpily. "I always did hate these things."

_Landed planetside at 1000 hours this morning. Bureaucracy and corrupt officials threatened to stall the mission before it even started, but IA officer Gianna Parasini verified my Spectre status and we were allowed to continue._

_An investigation of Port Hanshan resulted in nothing more than a discovery that Matriarch Benezia was at the Peak 15 research facility for unknown reasons. In order to procure a garage pass and clearance to travel to the RF, my squad aided in an investigation against Administrator Anoleis, finding evidence of corruption that resulted in his arrest, which subsequently resulted in the procurement of the pass and the required clearance. During the investigation, some of the ERCS guards who were being paid under the table for certain side jobs attempted to assassinate me, resulting in their deaths._

_Reached the Peak 15 RF at 1230 hours. Entry brought discovery of a mercenary alliance of geth, krogan Blood Pack mercs, and asari commandos likely of the Eclipse mercenaries. A further discovery awaited in the form of the rachni. Samples were procured and brought back to the Normandy in cold storage for testing._

_Many of the personnel on site appeared to be indoctrinated to some extent, though Matriarch Benezia was affected most heavily. Her words are recorded on file for the mission log, and can be accessed for analysis. Unfortunately, after divulging as much of Saren's plans as she was able, she succembed to her wounds and died._

_The rachni queen also possessed the body of an asari commando, using her vocal cords to speak to us and ask for her fate. Though she promised that the rachni would find a new planet and peacefully regrow their race, having learned from the mistakes of their ancestors, my squad and I deemed the risk too great and opted to destroy her. Let it be known that in my squad was the krogan mercenary Urdnot Wrex. His people have not forgotten the rachni. As a personal aside, I am disgusted with the prejudices of the entire galaxy, not only against the krogan and my own race, but against the rachni as well. The queen seemed genuine, and the way she put things... "Will we be allowed to sing again? Will we be relegated to silence with our ancients? Can you really condemn us to fade away, never again to build our symphony and learn peace?" I may be known for being ruthless, but that decision just made me sick._

_Commander Victory Shepard_  
_Council Spectre, Commander of the Systems Alliance Navy_

"That'll have to do..." she grumbles, clicking the button to submit the report and standing to hurry down to engineering.

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"...Father, I...yes Father. Yes, she is that Commander Shep- No! No, she isn't insane! I-I thought you'd be happy! I thought that having me serve on a ship that's committed to stopping the Geth would make you proud!_No_ you... you... **urghh!** Why can you not just be _happy_ for me? I have a captain who will take care of me, who is helping me on my Pilgrimage, and who actually wants to know about _me_, not just what I can do for her, and you're acting like I'm betraying the Migrant Fleet! No Father, that's it. I can't do this right now, I-I have work to do. Goodbye."

Quivering in her envirosuit, Tali hastily ends the transmission and leans heavily on the console in front of her.

"Troubles with Daddy?" a soft and teasing voice calls from behind her. She whirls around, heart thundering in her chest, to find Vicky standing there once again. This is rather rapidly becoming a _thing_, these post-mission visits. Every time they come back to the Normandy after completing whatever objectives the Commander has, she comes down to see Tali.

She hardly even knows what to feel about it, or what to call what she **does** feel, but she knows that whatever it is she likes it. Smiling behind her mask, she leans back against the console, unable to stay as upset as the situation should demand. Keeping her thoughts in order is more difficult now than ever, because now she sees Vicky's lips pressing against her mask every time she closes her eyes. She remembers the tightness in her chest when that small movement and that one single moment happened, how she felt so happy and yet so scared. "Y-yes. Apparently, he believes you are dangerous and unstable. Personally, I think he's only half right."

"Now now, you know you shouldn't call an unstable person out on it." Vicky jokes with a smile. _Keelah, that smile. I'd do anything to see it more._

"I meant that you're dangerous. I don't think that my Father has realized that being Quarian means you have to kind of like danger." She can feel the laugh and the blush in her own words. Can Vicky? Does she know that Tali only reacts like this with her? What does it mean?

The Commander grins and waves her forward. "Wanna go to the mess for some drinks? If you can get the 'Emergency Induction Port' through the slot in your mask, that is?"

Tali can't help laughing at that, and with a nod she steps forward, shyly looking at Vicky's face and being quite glad that the mask hid that fact. No matter how much she likes looking at the woman, or how..._attractive_ she finds that scar and the woman who bears it, she feels she would simply die if Vicky found out about that.

A light hand on her shoulder, and then Vicky is leading her off to the mess, and the bar attached to it, to let off some of the post-mission stress and just... talk. Tali likes that; she enjoys talking to Vicky, and can feel that strange sensation growing all the time when she's with her. When the Commander isn't around, Tali reads the novels that she finds on the Normandy's entertainment deck, and she likes the descriptions of the emotions. In fact, she's starting to develop a bit of a sneaking suspicion as to what these feelings might be, and where they're leading her. And if her suspicion is correct? Well, the more she thinks about it, the more Tali finds that she's okay with it, even hungry for it. She smiles again and looks more appraisingly at the woman she's with.


	5. First Shore Leave

"Joker, hit the PA. I have a message for the crew that I'm sure you're all going to just love."

The pilot grins for a moment and flips on the ship PA system, wondering what kind of fiery tirade the Commander is going to deliver now. Actually rather amused herself, Shepard cuffs him lightly and leans over his shoulder, speaking to the ship at large.

"We've been running long and hard these past few months, burning the candle at both ends. You have all _earned _a little time on shore leave, so we're going to the Citadel to get you that time. That isn't our only reason for going there, but it is certainly the one most of you will be happiest about. While on the station, I expect you to be showing the kind of ship a human Spectre runs, so play nice until someone tries to get uppity. If that happens, you kick their fucking ass and make sure the lesson sticks.

"Now I've got a few errands that need tending, so I also want you to keep from contacting me while onshore unless it is absolutely imperative to your survival. Tali and Wrex, you're with me. Suit up and be ready, I've pissed off enough people this year to not want to take any chances of getting shot."

Chuckling as he shuts down the ship-wide broadcast, he looks up at her and fires off, "Wow Commander, you certainly know how to inspire confidence in us. I don't feel any fear of getting shot at all, now that I know you're a bullet magnet."

"Keep talkin' Joker, we'll see how long it takes a bullet to miss me." she retorts immediately, her grin predatory but natural.

_That's just how the commander is, a predator. The scariest badass I've ever seen, and I've seen Wrex. She may be a fucking bitch, but she'll take care of us._

Shepard turns and walks back through the CIC to the doors leading down to the crew deck, a smile still lingering on her face as she considers spending time with Tali on the Citadel. She's come to realize that of all the people on this ship, the young quarian is the only one to have successfully worked inside her defenses. Sure she likes Joker, and is willing to exchange jibes with him, so long as he remembers his place. Wrex is a kindred spirit, what with the desire to shoot first and ask questions later, but she never manages to forget that he is a mercenary, and a krogan. Liara, well... She still doesn't trust the asari, in part because she's so goddamn beautiful. Anyone that pretty just can't be trusted, in Victory's opinion.

Then there's the big three. Lt. Kaiden Alenko, male heartthrob of every human woman onboard, biotic and Sentinel-class soldier. The man has a record nearly as faultless as his face, which actually has the effect of Victory trusting him _less_ instead of more. No one can be that perfect, and his one blemish is that he received one hell of an ass-kicking for trying to defend a fellow student at BAaT, and then ended up killing the instructor that dished it out. On top of being a paragon of humanity, the man seems to have an unhealthy obsession with her, and it's creeping her out.

Then there's Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. One hell of a soldier, but the woman is so wrapped up in her xenophobia that she can't treat any alien with kindness. On more than one occasion, it's gotten her in trouble with Shepard because of some off-hand comment about Quarian's as a people being little better than Vorcha, hunting for scraps and stealing when you take your eyes off of them. The last time she said it, she made damn sure that Tali was within earshot, though that also had the side effect of Tali being able to see the commander lay Ash out cold with a hard right cross.

Last on the list, Garrus Vakarian. Garrus is the only other member of her crew that's even come close to breaching her defenses, and it's in part because he's so damn good with that rifle of his. He's also a good listener when he needs to be, and rather receptive to her cutting all the red tape out of their way by invoking Spectre authority. She'll even admit that he's attractive, in the way that any tall and physically powerful man would be. His predator instincts ratchet it up a little more, but at the end of the day it still isn't enough to overcome the fact that Victory just isn't interested in men that way. Still, he's her closest friend, and he's been with her on every mission to this point. He more than anyone has earned a break, perhaps a little time to go see that doctor on the wards. She'd seemed rather sweet on the sniper, after all.

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"Shepard! Shepard, over here!" an excited voice calls. Vicky's head snaps around and immediately settles on the blonde man jumping up and down enthusiastically. _Ah shit._

Her boots can be heard ringing in the hallway as she storms over to him, and silence falls as every eye turns to follow her.

"What do you want, Conrad? I'm kinda busy, in case you hadn't noticed. I gave you your autograph, and a photo, so what do you want this time?"

The obsequious smile never leaving his face, the man she'd called Conrad speaks with a fevered urgency, "Commander, you've inspired me. I think I've got what it takes to be a Spectre, and I want to fight for humanity, just like you do. Do you think you could sign me up?"

Thinking about it for all of a few seconds, Vicky snaps back, "Fuck no, Verner. You _don't_ have what it takes, for one. Have you ever even been near a firefight? Ever fired a gun outside of a range? Ever used an omnitool for anything other than purchasing home appliances? And for another thing, you have a wife at home waiting for you. Do you think she'd really stay with you if you did this?"

"Well, yes. She's just as eager as I am, she's behind me all the way. She even offered to by my ticket out to training."

"Oh, what the- Listen, you five star fucking idiot, here's something I just heard that you seem totally oblivious to: She's trying to get rid of you. And actually, I don't blame her. You've been doing this fanboy shtick where I'm concerned, and honestly it seems like you're more interested in me than you are your own wife. So here's your options. Either you go the fuck home, apologize for this bullshit, and make it up to her for the next several years, or you keep your head planted firmly up your own ass. Either way, I'm done here."

Finally getting the point that Shepard is trying to make, the man gets angry and starts to yell at her the way she had been bellowing at him. "Oh yeah? You think you're the only one that can make humanity proud? You think that being the first human Spectre makes you special, that you're better than me? Well I'll show you! I'll show you all, you, my wife, even the Council! I-"

"-will shut up if you know what's good for you, pyjak." Wrex rumbles, the barrel of his Geth Plasma Shotgun filling Conrad Verner's open mouth. "The commander is doing you a favor and keeping you alive. Either you listen, shut your mouth and go home, or I pull this trigger, and you don't even _have_ a head to shove up your ass. Your choice, but I have an itchy trigger finger and I think I feel a sneeze coming on, so I'd hurry up and make it if I were you."

The acrid stench of urine hits the air as Conrad's body voids into his pants, and he runs away with an awkward waddle in his step. Wrex and Victory wait until he's out of sight before roaring with laughter, and even Tali is chuckling a little into her helmet. Many of the people in the area laugh nervously as well, obviously a little worried that a woman many already fear after the events on Torfan is also backed so completely by a krogan warlord. The volus merchant in the corner however, a man known as Expat, pats the belly of his exosuit before calling out, "Commander Shepard, I think I have something of interest to you." He waddles out from behind his desk, carrying a small case with him.

Expat stops in front of her and opens up the case. Seated in it is an unusual looking omnitool, though it's similar to the Savant series from Serrice Council. "I had a customer come in recently, looking to buy a new set of armor. He didn't have the credits, but it must have been important to him. He parted with this unique omnitool in exchange for the armor, and I have since inspected it. It seems to give superior performance even to the Savant X. It is... Geth, at least partly. I can give it to you for a very modest price. 300,000 Credits."

"Out of curiosity, volus, how much would you sell it for usually?" Vicky asks.

"About 1,000,000 credits. For you however, I'm willing to make a deal. Two reasons. One is that you are famous, or infamous, and you are a Spectre. Whatever your motivations are, you're fighting for us all. The other is that you got rid of that insufferable sycophant, Conrad Verner. He's been driving business away, loitering and waiting to ask you to help him become a Spectre. I don't think anyone is going to stop talking about you and the krogan for quite some time after that."

Vicky grins, the opportunity to buy Tali something nice just too much to pass up. "Alright Expat, you've got a sale. And just because I like you for the way you see things, I'll cut your losses. Here's 600,000 credits. Have yourself a day." She wires the credits to the merchant's kiosk and grabs the case, grabbing the omnitool out of it.

The scarred woman steps close enough to see her own reflection in Tali's helmet, her dusky dark skin almost mahogany in the low light of the markets. She slowly tugs Tali's old omnitool off her wrist, hooks it up to the new one to sync it up, and then slides the Geth omnitool onto the quarian's hand, her eyes never once leaving the glowing spots where the younger woman's eyes are.

"There you go, sweetie. A new plaything for my favorite little machinist. Enjoy... Tali." Her voice is husky and low, full of dark promises that Tali doesn't understand but wants fulfilled. When the human Spectre walks away, Wrex sidles up to Tali and grins, his laugh slow and deliberate. "Looks like someone's got a bit of a sweet spot for Shepard. Didn't know your type was ruthless and scarred, shiprat. I can see the appeal though."

Tali only nods and walks after Vicky, caught in a daze and giddy from the same emotions that have plagued her for months. She's beginning to wonder if maybe she's fallen in love, though she would have been repulsed by the idea of loving another woman before she met the Commander. Somehow though, now it seems normal.

"Hurry up! We have to go to the Council, see if they have any new leads for us. We're only docked for 24 hours, so we gotta move!" she calls, that sinful smile still on her face and a switch in her hips.


	6. Incursion

_Captain's Quarters, SSV Normandy. Ship is holding steady over Virmire, Joker and Pressley scanning for transmissions from the planet's surface.  
Mission, as given by the Citadel Council, is to find and debrief a Salarian infiltration team on their findings.  
Secondary mission is to destroy Saren's operating base is present._

_Captain's Log[personal; dictation of spoken log]: Ugh. Here I am, six months into this long ass mission that those Council pricks gave me. Don't get me wrong, I love that I have free license to shoot and kill anyone that's helping this Turian sod that I'm chasing, but Saren is elusive. Even with the team I've assembled, the going is slow._

_Things are much easier with the only two friends I've made on this mission though. The only friends I've allowed myself in...years. Well, three if you count the turian. Not that there's anything wrong with Garrus, but Vakarian is a turian, and so I find it a little difficult to trust him. I'm not exactly prejudiced, but most of the other races out here are, and would help one of their own over a human, especially over __this human._

_After Torfan, my rep was pretty dark. Not that I care, I did what had to be done. But anyway, that's why most of the races out here look at me with mistrust. Anger. Even a little hatred now and then. And yet, to this point, Vakarian has followed me loyally, saying that he likes serving with me because I'm a Spectre, and there's no red tape to slow me down._

_I think sometimes the other men and women of the Alliance Navy forget that. About a month into my investigation, Rear Admiral Mikhailovich decided to do an inspection. Ass even thought he could push me around just because he has a higher rank in the Alliance than a lowly Commander. I gently reminded him that not only do I answer to no rank, because the rank of Spectre outranks every other except Councilor, but also that I have no laws to stop me. I operate outside them._

_He had the balls to look me in the eye and say that no one is above the law. Not many could have done that, so I'll applaud him there. Out of respect for his tough hide, I let him inspect. It went downhill from there. He questioned my CIC, so I told him that it's a Turian design that lets me look over the entire battlefield, and I can out-bellow anybody._

_He talked crap about my drive core too, said that we could have made cores for a fucking fleet with all that Eezo, and while I don't disagree, the fact that he thought our cloak useless just pissed me off. I asked him what he'd be more scared of, a fleet of dreadnoughts that can't enter orbit and so have to sit out in the vacuum while planetary defense cannons rip into them, or a single small, fast ship that you don't see coming until it's in visual range with guns almost as strong as a cruiser's twenty kilo feros slugs. He admitted that for recon and extraction jobs, which are more common than most people realize, a cloak is useful._

_What pissed me off the most though was the fact that he not only questioned my judgement when it came to my crew, but he talked shit about them __individually. The asari he didn't push too hard on, and I suspect it's because they've been the most helpful in integration, and she's easy on the eyes. He pushed harder about Wrex, who damn near slugged him then and there. The big guy was standing with me at the time, you see. The krogan may have a rep of being bloodthirtsy mercs, and I can't say it's undeserved, but he's earned his spot on our other missions, and though he had hardly gone out on assignment at that point, he'd already proved himself while searching for Tali._

_I didn't blame him for questioning Vakarian's involvement, but the turian had also earned his place. Not only was he helping me track down a fellow turian, but he'd saved Dr. Chloe Michel twice._

_Then he got to the only person he wasn't allowed to talk about. He didn't even question, he openly expressed a strong and violent prejudice against Tali. The fact that she is a quarian was all he cared about. He made her __cry. Said that the quarians are nothing other than thieves and bottom feeders, pariahs that had earned the scorn of the entire galaxy after unleashing the geth. Practically told me that having her onboard was a mistake because she was probably stealing plans of our tech and sending them back to the Fleet._

_I could have killed him. Even then, when I was just starting to get to know her, I could have killed him. I went off about how all of my crew had earned their place. Then I got right up in his face, the visor plate of my helmet almost pushing against his nose, and cut into him about baseless prejudice. I damn near yelled at him about how she was actually the most valuable person on my team. Against the Geth, a tech specialist with a knack for hacking is invaluable, and she's the best there is. She can repair anything, and had proven more useful on the field than the Alliance soldiers on my crew._

_He blanched and took a step back. I don't think he expected insubordination like that, if you can call it insubordination. After regaining his composure, he said something about submitting a report to the Joint Committee and ran off. The day only got better when I had to deal with a reporter down in CSec headquarters._

_She tried for a smear campaign, and for a while I put up with it, making her look like an idiot on live broadcast. But there at the end, I just couldn't take it, so I knocked her on her ass. Made me feel good, though Admiral Hackett wasn't thrilled. Other than Captain Anderson, Hackett is the only one I still feel like I answer to. Still made me feel good._

_We've had missions trying to stop the geth everywhere since then. Even stopped a possible incursion out in the Armstrong Nebula. Turned out to be a lucky break, at least for Tali. We found some data on Solcrum that she can use as a Pilgrimage gift. Also turned out to be lucky for me, since in the months we've been together on this assignment, I've come to... care for her. A lot actually._

_That's actually what this log was supposed to be about. Ugh. I've made a career out of not caring about anyone. About only seeing the mission, getting it done, and moving on to the next one. Now, I've got a quarian kid on Pilgrimage on my team, and I can't stop thinking about her. Seeing her in my dreams. Hearing her voice in my head when I think about what I'm going to do. It's like, suddenly, she's my conscience._

_That isn't even the entire extent of it. When we come back from a mission, I can't even be calm and done with it until I go talk to her. I need to hear her voice, hear her take on things, and see that she's really ok. I can't just blow her off. I tried once, and I was a mess. I couldn't sleep that night, and I ended up in Engineering with no idea how I got there, dressed in the light cami and soft cotton pj's that I sleep in. It still feels weird to wear clothes to bed by the way, but with Alenko and I believe Vakarian hounding after me, I can't sleep buff anymore. Just in case._

_Turned out that Tali couldn't sleep either, and for the same reason. We ended up talking for hours, and... god help me I fell asleep down there with her. On her bunk, with her playing the little spoon. We didn't even mean for it to happen that way, we were just talking and sitting on her bunk, and slowly shifted to laying down and getting comfortable. I woke up like that, and it was the best night of sleep I've had since Saren started running._

_It's getting harder not to tell her. Sometimes I think she sees it, sometimes not, but it's getting harder not to tell Tali that, for the second time in my life, I'm falling in love. That I'm falling for her. That's all it can be, this feeling inside. Hell, I haven't __been in love in five years, so I don't remember how far there is to fall. I might already be completely in love with her. I just... I don't know. [audible sigh] End log, Shepard signing out._

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_Engineering deck, Normandy systems suite._  
_Personal quarters of crew member Tali'Zorah nar Rayya._

_Personal log[dictation of spoken words]: Six months. Six months since I was rescued from death by Commander Victory Shepard. Six months since I first set foot on the SSV Normandy, of the Systems Alliance Navy fleet. Six months that we've been chasing that bastard Saren, trying to drag him into the depths of hell. In that time, we have fought through world after world, following leads and dead ends. She's fought so hard for us all, and no one out there sees it._

_No one but me. She's even made sure that I have something to take back to the Migrant Fleet as a Pilgrimage gift._

_After that, I had to help her too. There was a base out on the moon of her planet where the VI had... gone mad. Somehow it had gained sentience. On a side note, a planet having only one moon seems so... strange to me._

_Anyway, I helped her with that mission. Out there, she was as hard as I've ever seen her. Once we got back though, she came down to my station and just hugged me. I... she just held onto me, like she needed the support._

_Then, about a month ago, she didn't come down after a mission. I waited, but... she didn't come. Not until hours later, anyway. She couldn't sleep, and neither could I._

_I found out that night when she __did come down that she's actually not even that old. Only twenty seven. She... she's only five years older than me. She told me about her life, how hard it's been. I saw her cry that night... and I cried with her._

_We talked for hours, just sitting on my bunk, and sometime in there, we fell asleep. When I woke, she was still there with me, staring down at me. She was curled around me, almost protectively, and she was smiling. But it wasn't just a smile, there was something in her eyes that I've never seen._

_I think I know what it is though. I've read the novels that the human crew has in the ship computer, and a few others I've bought on the Citadel. Humans and asari are also so similar that I can use the descriptions from both species to judge. I... I think it was love._

_I've asked Joker about her, what she's like, her history, that sort of thing. It's not pretty. It's brutal, actually. What little is known of her childhood suggests abuse, drugs, and violence, and her service career shows such a lack of empathy or concern for others that in anyone else, I'd be afraid to even talk to her._

_But now... Joker says that now she's different. Sort of. Sometimes, anyway. He suggests though that she's only different around me, or when I'm involved. It's flattering, a little bit frightening, and very exciting._

_Add to that whole bunch of emotions and stimuli that I've been analyzing my own reactions to her, and the feelings that she elicits, and I've come to a conclusion. I think that I am starting to love her too... and not just as a sister, like would be expected. What I saw in her eyes, and what I feel in my own heart, I think they are one and the same thing, and I think they are romantic._

_I've never been one for romance, never really had the time for a boyfriend when I was with the Fleet. Keelah, I never even looked at a boy. Now I'm wondering why. Was it maybe because they don't interest me? Or is it possible that no one would interest me except Shepard, whether she was male or female? [sigh] Existential questions are pointless._

_Where I'm going with this is here: I think she loves me, wants to be with me, and wants me to love her too. And I think I do. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya... no, I think, in my heart at least, I should say Tali'Zorah vas Normandy... yes that sounds right. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, signing off._

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Tali watches Shepard corral her ship's crew together, the harsh lighting of the CIC somehow still managing to only highlight the dusky quality of her skin. She moves with a feral battlefield grace, her barking voice cracking through the ship as she gives orders.

She smiles under cover of her helmet, eyes roaming the length of the Commander's body. Out of her armor, her lean body is at once wiry and soft, her muscles deceptively strong though she doesn't look it. Every motion, every gesture shows her flexibility and her reflexes, and seeing her in her element makes Tali blush behind her mask.

She pushes up off the wall as Victory turns to walk onto the platform at the Galaxy Map. As she moves to join the crew, Tali sees Wrex and Garrus step out of the doorway leading down to the crew deck to listen as well.

Vicky looks around, smiling when she sees Tali, and starts to speak. "Alright people, the Council says that this could be it. Here on Virmire, we have two missions: find and rescue an STG recon team, and stop Saren from doing whatever he's doing down there. I expect every man and woman here to do their part to make sure this mission goes well. Goes better than well, actually, 'cause I want it to be a perfect run. _Nothing_ goes wrong out there.

If Saren is down there, you can bet your ass I'm going to do everything I can to kill that son of a bitch. He's hit us, and he's hurt us. Now it's time for us to hit back. He's killed innocent people, and used anyone he can. Now it's time for us to make him pay.

I know that those who join me on the ground for this mission will be watching out for me, looking over my shoulder, and keeping me in one piece. Each and every one of you knows the score. It's go time.

Alenko, Williams, you two stay up here and help Joker coordinate with the ground team. Vakarian, T'soni, I want you scanning all frequencies, find us that STG team and a location. Wrex and Tali... come with me. We're in the Mako, it's our job to blast through anything in our way and make a safe approach wherever we go."

With that, the Commander spins on her heel and tromps down to the crew deck to slip into her armor. Her mischievous smirk hidden, Tali drifts down silently behind her, just managing to slip into her quarters before the doors close, leaving Vicky none the wiser.

On tiptoes, the quarian sneaks up behind her friend, waiting for her to be pulling her shirt over her head before tackling her to the bed with a squeal. Seeing as how Tali is, in point of fact, the only crew member who would squeal anyway, she manages to avoid the obligatory punching and kicking that the dark skinned human would dole out to anyone else.

She then pulls the shirt up a bit more and frees Victory's face, laying on top of her and laughing. "Well hello there... I thought now would be a good time to drop by."

A grin on her soft lips, Vicky retorts, "Anytime is a good time for you. You need to get out of that engine room more." She finishes shucking off her shirt and wraps her arms around Tali's curves, the Quarian's more generous bust pressing against her own rather modest one. "So why are you _really_ here instead of getting geared up for the strike?"

Tali blushes deeply behind her mask, the glow of her eyes giving enough away to show it under the Commander's observant gaze, and whispers, "Because I-I have something to say. I've been thinking and... I-I think I'm in love with you. N-not that I've ever _been_ in love, but I've r-read about it." Stammering more the longer she talks, she continues, "I-I've w-watched your face w-when you come talk to m-me, and... I-I see a glow that n-no one else g-gets. W-when you smile at m-me, it's a r-real smile, and I-I like it. You only ever sh-show kindness to m-me, and w-when w-we w-woke up t-t-t... t-t-t-... t-together, I-I-I... Y-y-you... The w-way y-you l-looked at me m-made m-y heart _s-s-soar_. N-n-no one else h-has ever l-looked at m-me l-like that."

The Quarian lays her head on Vicky's shoulder and manages to stop stuttering long enough to say, "I... I love you, Vicky. At least to me, and to you, I'm not Tali'Zorah nar Rayya anymore. I'm Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. I decided that today, that I belong here."

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Vicky stares down at the Quarian, a look of utter shock on her face. _She loves me? I-I mean, I love her too, but... This is so unexpected, I never... never thought that she could love a monster like me._

Her voice showing just how vulnerable she really is, she squeaks out, "Ya mean it? Ya rilly rilly mean it?" She knows that with those words, Tali has ripped away her defenses, and now that she's got them down, she could destroy her or save her. When the young technician nods and whispers "yes," Vicky's arms clamp down on her and she lets out a breath she didn't even know she was holding.

"I love you too, Tali. I love you I love you I love you... I mean... fuck, I can't even _tell_ you how much I love you."

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In the shuttle bay, Garrus hears the whole thing. Joker had patched it into his visor the moment he heard that Tali was in the Commander's quarters. The shock must have been plain on his face, because the walking dinosaur Wrex called from the weapons lockers, "What's got your panties in a wad, pyjak?"

Simply shaking his head, Garrus leans against the Mako and lets out a deep sigh. _There goes heaven. I just thought she wasn't paying attention, or was playing hard to get or something, but instead she's... she's a dyke. Well. Fuck. Spirits I didn't see that coming._

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After an hour of driving and shooting, Shepard and her squad finally link up with the STG troops, the Normandy dropping off the rest of her crew. Garrus doesn't look at her or at Tali, almost like he's purposely trying to avoid it. She sighs and shrugs it off, not having time for it.

"Ok Captain, what's the situation?" she barks out at the Salarian commander.

"Saren is breeding an army of Krogan, and he's going to unleash them on the Galaxy. Are you the first of the Council fleet to arrive?"

Shepard pauses for a moment, then takes off her helmet and looks at him. "Major, there isn't going to _be_ a fleet. We're it. The Council got your message, but couldn't decode all of it, some of it got garbled. They sent us in to recon the situation."

"Recon? That's what we're here for, and we found something. Now we need an army to take it out!"

"Well we're the only army you're getting, and while my team may not be big, they're good. The best the galaxy has to offer. We'll get the job done, as long as you're there to back us up."

Wrex cuts off all other conversation when he growls, "You say he's breeding krogan? A new generation, free of the genophage?"

The Salarian hesitates for a moment, then replies, "Yes. Yes, Saren is breeding a cloned Krogan army, a new tide of troops to sweep across the galaxy."

Greed and longing flash in the brute's eyes, then realization of what that means for the mission. A growl rumbling in his chest, he stalks off, hands opening and closing as his rage starts to build.

The Major looks at Vicky and says quietly, "Take care of him. We can't have anyone endangering our mission." before walking away to prepare the few men he has left.

Vicky and Tali look at each other for a moment, apprehension running through them both, then as one walk to where Wrex is firing his pistol into the bay.

"Hey. Wrex. Come on, stop that. I need you at my back on this one, big guy."

He rounds on her, his pistol slapping back into the holster at his hip. "There is a chance for my people to be free here. A cure! There is a cure and you and those frogs want to _destroy_ it! The first light of hope for my people in _five hundred years,_ and you fucking pyjaks want to blow it up!"

Pulling out his massive M-300 Claymore shotgun, he points it at the center of Vicky's chest from point blank. "Shepard, I respect you, but give me one goddamn reason why I shouldn't blow you in half right now and save my people. Tell me why we have to kill the Krogan all over again!"

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**A/N:** Ok, so here's the deal. As I'm sure you noticed a couple chapters ago, Vicky sees Captain Anderson as the dad she never had, or something to that effect. More on that later.

In this chapter, the first big difference from established canon is seen, other than the Anderson situation. In the story of Mass Effect, Shepard's age at the beginning of the saga is twenty-nine. I made her a little younger, though only by two years. My thinking is that two years can really change a person in terms of maturity, and being privy to a few psych issues myself, I kinda know how trauma can stunt that maturity a bit. Considering that this version is the "Butcher of Torfan," I think it's kind of assumed that there are some serious scars somewhere in that pretty little head of hers.

Another reason for the slight age drop is that, while I understand that with alien races age means next to nothing because most of them outlive humans, quarians have lifespans similar to ours. Five years is less of a gap than you'd think, less than seven anyway. This way, Tali and Vicky have more in common and more of an ability to connect, which is important for Vicky.

Lastly, with her not being quite as old, she has more of a chance of being rehabilitated. She'll never be fixed, I know that as well as anyone who's either had or been around someone who had psychosis. She can learn to cope though, with the right help and support structure. On the note of psychological scarring, she is afflicted with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, though I think they came up with another name recently. There's also some Dissociative Identity Disorder in there, mostly because it makes it easier to live with yourself if you shunt certain emotions away into another facet of yourself to be dealt with later. I've been doing that for... a while, though it's not something I'm proud of. It's ruined some relationships to be honest, but it helps get through the night when you want to wake up screaming, or when you want to deck that smug jackass who thinks he's so much better than you even though you can point out why he's wrong. This psychosis will be most evident on missions I think, and you'll be able to see the consequences on the Normandy. That's why she's got Tali though. :3 -squee-


	7. Hold the Line

Wrex stands at the water's edge, his shotgun pressed into the chestplate of Victory's armor, rage and anguish written large and plain on his scarred face. "There is a chance for my people to be free here. A cure! There is a cure and you and those frogs want to destroy it! The first light of hope for my people in five hundred years, and you fucking pyjaks want to blow it up! Shepard, I respect you, but give me one goddamn reason why I shouldn't blow you in half right now and save my people. Tell me why we have to kill the krogan all over again!"

Her mind racing, her hand twitching towards the pistol at her side, the Commander makes a snap decision. She summons all of her anger at Saren, all of her seething mass of hatred and rage from the years on the streets of Earth, with no one to trust but herself, not even the Reds that call her family. She dredges up the feeling of being alone in the universe, trillions and trillions of people surrounding her but apart from her. She calls up every dark emotion and memory, and when there is no more room for anything else, she pushes forward, knocking the muzzle of the gun away from her with her left arm and slugging the warlord as hard as she can with the right.

"Stand down soldier. I am the only hope for anybody, let alone your fucking T-Rex kind. If you kill me now, Saren wins. If you kill me here and now, the geth win. The Reapers win." She grabs a hold on his collar and drags his face down to her level, her face inches away from his right eye. "_And the krogan will lose. Forever._"

Still inches away from him, every bit of darkness in her hovering just beneath the surface where the Urdnot warlord can see it, Vicky growls, "If you want to live another fucking second, tell me why I shouldn't move out of the way and tell every one of these Vorcha kissing bastards behind me to open fire and cut you to shreds. No one threatens me on my mission, Wrex. No one, not even you. I am your _only_ hope of salvation."

For the first time in his memory, Wrex feels fear. Not fear of the Salarian troops all around, not fear of Gunnery Chief Williams, the woman pointing a gun at his head right now, and not fear of Saren or the Geth. Not even fear for his people. The krogan giant feels the only fear he can remember because of this little meatsack of a human. This tiny woman with so much strength, so much fire. He feels fear, not because this woman is the only thing standing between him and a quick death, but because she would be the first to pull the trigger, and she'd make sure he saw it coming. Because this little human is so much bigger, so much more than just a human.

Rumbling out a growl, he drops his gun to the ground. With a nod of his head, he steps back, pulling her arm to it's full extension. "Fine Shepard, I'll stick with you." After a moment's pause, he adds, "You'd make a good krogan."

"Smart choice big guy. Smart choice." Unwilling to let go of her anger just yet, she jerks him back and smashes her helmet into his face. In doing so, she makes both Wrex and Tali laugh after a moment of stunned silence. The Quarian pulls her close and rests her chin on Vicky's shoulder with a quip.

"You're starting to make a habit of headbutting krogan. Are you sure you weren't born to the wrong species?"

Whispering so that only Tali and Garrus can hear, though the Turian is just incidental, she replies with a grin, "Only could have been better if I'd been born a Quarian and met you sooner."

Then she reigns in all of her emotions, using the feather light touch of the girl at her side to focus. Making sure that Tali is still pressed to her body, she makes her way back to the rest of her team, making a note of the rifle that Williams still has trained on the krogan. "Put it down Chief. That's an order."

"But ma'am, he's krogan. They're unpredictable at the best of times, but now with a possible genophage cure-"

"_I said put it down!_ You do not question my orders, do you hear me Williams?! If you ever do that again, I will beat you to within an _inch_ of your life, and then I will fucking execute your insubordinate ass for _mutiny_!" With that, she wrenches the gun out of Ash's hands and throws it at her feet. "I like that dinosaur a lot more than you do, Williams. You can be sure of that. I sure as shit don't need a xenophobe onboard my ship when almost all of my team is made up of aliens. You were a convenient and useful soldier to have when I found you on Eden Prime, and Anderson talked me out of kicking your ass off my ship at the Citadel. He convinced me we needed you, just like he and the Council convinced me we need the asari. So either man up, or get back on the Normandy and wait for the all clear."

Victory forces Ash to look her in the eye and continues softly, "Prove that you and your family do not deserve the stigma of Shanxi. Live up to the image of the woman you've shown me when we talk in the armory. I know you see the others as a little bit of a liability, but you told me that you'd do as I ordered, so please Ash, let it go." After a moment of shame, Williams lifts her head and nods at the Commander. "Understood ma'am. I'm with you all the way."

"Good. Gather the team, looks like Kirrahe is ready to go over the plan."

As soon as Shepard and her crew are gathered, the salarian captain begins.

"This is a risky plan, and a risky mission. There aren't many of us left, but those of us that are here are trained soldiers, forged in the fires of combat. Shepard, I need you and a small infiltration team to distract and delay any enemy forces you can. Pick your two best people, make sure that you're ready. You will be team Shadow. I will take my men and split them into three teams. We will be Aegohr, Mannovai and Jaëto. Maybe that will remind my men what we're fighting for."

Looking at the gathered soldiers, he says, "Will will need to bring down the AA tower so that the Normandy can deliver a bomb to the heart of the facility. Our ship is destroyed, but the drive core can be and already has been converted into a heavy yield nuclear device. Once detonated, it will wipe this base from the face of Virmire forever. Commander, I will need a volunteer from your squad to help me lead the fire teams."

Without a thought, she throws Kaiden into the spot required by Kirrahe.

He scans them all again, and opens his mouth one final time. "You all know the mission, and what is at stake. I have come to trust each of you with my life - but I have also heard murmurs of discontent. I share your concerns. We are trained for espionage; we would be legends, but the records are sealed. Glory in battle is not our way. Think of our heroes; the Silent Step, who defeated a nation with a single shot. Or the Ever Alert, who kept armies at bay with hidden facts. These giants do not seem to give us solace here, but they are not all that we are. Before the network, there was the fleet. Before diplomacy, there were soldiers! Our influence stopped the rachni, but before that we held the line! Our influence stopped the krogan, but before that, we held the line! Our influence will stop Saren; in the battle today, we will hold the line!"

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Wrex and Tali stand behind her, outside the doors of the facility at last. "Well shit. Last choice to make, and I'm not sure I can make the same one I would have a year ago. The rest were easy, you know? 'Destroy this and help Kirrahe or leave it alone and change nothing.' This time though, it's shut down all security, making it easier for the STG troops, or set off an alarm at the other side of the facility, making it easier for us and probably getting them all killed."

Vicky looks at her comrades and says, "A year ago, I'd have thrown the alarm and sacrificed them for the sake of the mission. Now though..."

"Now the suitrat is changing you, making you a little softer. Sometimes anyway." Wrex growls with a smile. "I say shut it all down. Give them no warning!" He pounds his fists together, an eager look on his face and battle light in his eye.

Tali nods and voices her own opinion. "Shut it down, then surprise them from within. The geth can't communicate as well now, so they'll be confused and easy to kill, and any flesh soldiers will go running towards the sound of gunfire closest to them. That means that if we move quickly, we can take out most of the soldiers ourselves, keep the heat off of Alenko and the salarians."

Smirking, Vicky needles them both. "Look at you, agreeing for once. Sounds like good advice, I think I'll take it." She breaks the security system with her omnitool. "Stealth is on our side now, let's make the best of it."

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_Captain's Quarters, SSV Normandy._  
_Captain's Log[personal; dictation of spoken log]: Fuck. Just... Fuck. Well that was one big disaster. Standard procedure until we hit the Salarian base camp. Seriously, nothing went wrong until that point. Even then, it looked like the only rough patch was gonna be Wrex getting pissed and almost shooting me. Got him talked down, by the way. You'd be proud of me Da-... Anderson. I did yell at Williams for continuing with her xenophobic bullshit, but she didn't even get hit this time._

_Captain Kirrahe of the 3rd Infiltration Regiment STG came up with a plan, and we followed it. It even looked like it was gonna work. We shut down geth comms, positioning, satellite arrays, air support, everything. Even shut off the internal alarms so that they wouldn't know we were there. The cloned krogan were nothing compared to Wrex, and he even admitted that he'd rather kill them all himself than watch them become the future of the krogan race._

_First sign of trouble was Dr. Rana Thanoptis, an asari scientist working on genetics in the lab. She's actually the one that engineered the DNA chains that allowed the krogan to be cloned. Thought she was clean, too, until she started screaming and holding her head. I didn't even ask, and she starts babbling on about indoctrination, says that it isn't Saren that's doing it, but somehow his ship. Out of pity for her, Tali and I turned our backs and Wrex blasted her onto the wall. It was a mercy._

_Then we find another beacon. Thanks to Liara's mindlinks and the cypher we picked up on Feros, I was able to put together where we needed to go next. Then the shit hit the proverbial fan. The display went offline for a moment, and when it came back up, we were looking at Sovereign, Saren's ship. Except it's not a ship, it's a goddamn Reaper. Every single person who followed Saren that we've met was walking around under Reaper indoctrination, even Matriarch Benezia._

_I somehow managed to piss it off, and Sovereign started a fast descent into the atmosphere to come kill me. Since we were running out of time, I sprinted like hell to get to the bomb site that Kirrahe had planned, right in the middle of the clone facility. I get there after having wasted everyone and everything that got in my way, and we start to set up. Then Alenko comms in and tells us that he and Kirrahe are pinned down on the AA tower. They got the gun shut down but couldn't get off the tower. I had no choice, I had to go save their asses._

_I grabbed Tali and Wrex and we went charging off to do the hero thing. We get halfway there, and then Williams comms in and tells us that the geth have found them. Alenko tells us to go save her, she tells us to save Alenko and be quick about it. I argued with both of them for a few minutes, then told Ash that... [heavy sigh] God dammit... GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! [voice cracks] Daddy, I had to make a choice. I had to... And I chose Kirrahe. I told her that I had to leave her behind, and when Alenko started to protest she said, "It's ok LT. This is the right choice and you know it. She needs you more than she'll ever need me." [starts to cry softly] I had to leave her behind... This is the second fucking time that this goddamn fucking suicide mission for the Council has killed one of my squad._

_I don't know if I can do this for much longer, Da-... Anderson. I mean, it's putting us all in so much danger, and we're all under so much stress. Used to be I'd love a job like this, but now? The fate of the entire galaxy depends on us._

_Anyway, we get there and who decides to show his face? That turian bastard. Saren Arterius shows up looking like the posterchild for cybernetics and synthetic integration, and everything goes straight to hell. It had looked like there was some hope of salvaging something out of this, but then he showed up. Most of the rest of Kirrahe's men died, Wrex went down with a slug in his leg, Tali ended up with a suit rupture that she quickly patched, and I was dangled off the edge of the tower by my throat. I don't know how we did it, but somehow we made it out alive. I vaguely remember kicking him in the face and landing on the edge of the tower, safe. I think Wrex shot him too, and he got on his hover platform and sped away to be picked up by Sovereign._

_We boarded the Normandy with whatever survivors were left, and then got the hell outta dodge. I watched from the windows in the shuttle bay as the bomb went off and wiped all trace of Ash out of existence. She went down fighting, I heard it. Anderson, I heard her die on comms. I heard her last moments, and... Daddy, I never treated her like a human being until today. And I had to listen to her die. [breaks down sobbing]_  
_[End log]_

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Vicky stands in the cockpit with Joker, but hardly registering the inane chatter that the pilot is constantly spouting off. She knows that he's probably cracking bad jokes, and talking about Chief Williams, and whatever else runs through his head, but she just doesn't care.

Somewhere in the endless hours of interminable silence from her, Joker must have paged Tali to come up because Vicky can feel the girl's arms around her. The weight of her head registers on her shoulder. The faint sound of the suit air scrubbers whirs in her ears. All the little things that she never appreciated before, all the things that never mattered to her. And now every moment, every bit of the most insignificant minutiae registers and burns itself into her memory.

They stand there in silence together, Joker still doing whatever it is that he does. After what seems like minutes but might have been hours, Tali gently pulls Vicky away from the forward windows and towards the crew quarters below the CIC. When the doors of the bridge close behind them, she registers that she's alone with Tali, even if only for a moment.

Slowly, life starts to come back to her, until she's crying again as the doors of her cabin close behind them. She cries on Tali's shoulder when the quarian sits them both down on the bed, and she doesn't stop crying until half an hour after she falls asleep from exhaustion.

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Tali runs her fingers through the sleeping Commander's hair, the little curls springing back to their places as soon as she lets go of them.

When she first met the Commander, she didn't understand how any woman could stand to cut their hair so short. It never occurred to her that long hair might get in the way for a woman like Shepard, or that she might simply like not having to bother with it. But the longer she was around this baffling woman, the more she came to like it, even admire it. If her hair was longer, there was no guarantee that it would still have those little curls, and Tali had come to adore those little curls.

As she watches the Commander sleep, she thinks over the mission that they completed almost sixteen hours ago. She thinks about watching Vicky react to everything around her. Rana Thanoptis, how she looked almost sad to see what had happened to the woman. The salarian teams that were held in captivity and indoctrinated, the shock on her face when she saw them. The frustration on her face when Alenko commed in to say that they needed extraction. The anger when Ash was cornered also and she realized she didn't have enough time to save them both. The look of her heart breaking when she made the choice she had to, knowing that one of her squad was going to die. The fear when faced with Saren.

Most of all, she keeps in her mind the image of Vicky keeping her face blank, her eyes leaking silent tears as she rests her head on the aft windows of the shuttle bay, the com in her hand. She thinks about how every single gunshot made Shepard, her Vicky, jump just the tiniest bit, hoping it was the last one, hoping that Ash would die quickly. How the screams and the taunts of the dying woman made them both shiver. And worst of all, she remembers the screams of agony as Ashley was torn apart by the geth just before the bomb went off and wiped them all out. The look on Vicky's face was one of shock, and the way she was shaking worried Tali. She didn't understand why until the Commander pitched forward onto her knees and vomited up everything in her stomach, though there wasn't much.

She had dragged Vicky to the infirmary still heaving and babbled everything out for Dr. Chakwas, who then gave her a minor sedative to calm her down and told her that Vicky most likely _was_ in shock after hearing that happened. She gave the Commander something to settle her stomach, and something else to numb her a bit.

Shepard had waited just long enough to let the meds take effect, and then stumbled back to her cabin to make her report. It was hours before Tali saw her again, and then it was only because Joker had sent her a message down in engineering saying that "the Commander is doing that creepy silent reaper of the dead thing again."

How such a strong woman could fall apart so easily amazed her, but she knew in her heart why it had happened to Vicky now. She had stayed strong for so long, shutting everything and everyone out to keep them from hurting her, and then this mission came along. She was thrown into close confines with a larger squad than she'd had since Torfan for six months, and no matter how hard she tried to keep them all out, every single one of them got under her skin just a little.

Wrex became an admired equal, both for his actions in the field and for his mind in between missions. Garrus became her closest friend when she needed someone with whom she had no desire to sleep with. Alenko always answered her questions and gave her the tactical appraisals she was looking for. Liara, despite the reasons that Vicky distrusted her, became the one she'd go to for advice when it came to Tali, even though the asari had _less _experience than Vicky. Tali herself became her lover, and the one that she fell in love with. She couldn't imagine it happening any other way now, but at the time it amazed her that such a strong and dangerous person could be interested in her.

And Ashley, for all the things that she did to piss off Shepard, became the one she'd go to if she just wanted some... _girl_ time. Some time to gossip, and talk about what was happening on the ship, and get a more emotional look at the events of the mission. And maybe, there at the very end, she became her friend. A friend that meant a lot more to Vicky than she thought, and whose death broke down the walls that she had built up for so long.

Here and now, she watches Vicky sleep because she's afraid that if she doesn't, she'll fall apart. After what seems an eternity, Tali lays down behind the woman that holds her heart, wraps her arms around her, and falls asleep with her to keep her company.

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**A/N:** Ok, so here we are. Fully caught up on what I've got written, and I only now realize that in seven pieces, I have written what amounts to a normal chapter in a fic on this site(16,000 words). ^^; So yay me?

This is going to make things a little more complicated, I can tell you that. I'll have to be sitting and writing for a lot longer, but I owe it to the few of you that are reading already to do that and do your patronage justice! I can't just be like "I'll bang a quick one out over lunch and be done with it" since this story needs to grow and evolve, and I should slow the pace down so it can do that. So, as promised in the foreword of chapter one, next installment is about Vicky's early life and where she was found.


	8. Tales of Memories

_[Heavy sigh] Memoirs of Captain David Anderson, Alliance Navy. Dictation of spoken word._

_I think it's about time for me to explain a bit about the woman we're putting our faith in. I'd be doing this in a personal log, but this less about me and more about the Commander, and these memoirs are for a book anyway. Alliance brass will hear about it soon enough, just not from reading my logs._

_I guess it all started twelve years ago, in London. I was on shore leave, celebrating my advancement to Lieutenant Commander and looking for a little bit of trouble. I'd been handed a closed assignment and told I had forty-eight hours before I was deployed, so as far as I knew this was my last chance for safe excitement until I returned, if I returned._

_To be honest, I was still surprised that I was being given high-risk, high-priority missions since my failure to be given Spectre status, even though that mission had gone south eight years earlier. I suppose it had hit me a little harder than I'd cared to admit._

_Anyway, I was in London for the next two days, and I was determined to make the most of it._

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Anderson strides along the avenue, swept up in the foot traffic and bustle of the city. His home hadn't changed in the years since he'd left, though the people constantly did._ 'I think I should leave the more civilised areas if I'm going to find a bit of action. Or a decent pub anyway, not one of those that panders to the rich boys and girls wanting to look sophisticated and impress their potential investors.'_ he muses to himself, his eyes raking the crowd again, silent judgement in his gaze.

Cutting quickly down an alley, he slips out of the press of people with a small grin on his face. His escape leads him into a labyrinth of alleys and backstreets, footpaths for the dregs and effluvia of society. Even after sixteen years, he can follow the twists and turns as if the last time he was here was yesterday.

Halfway along another narrow path, he sees a flicker of movement from the corner of his eye. Anderson paused for a moment, staring down the tiny alley it seemed to come from. He saw nothing, though he started to get the feeling that he was being watched, that someone was there, following him. He shook his head and wandered on, watching more carefully now in the hope of catching his shadow.

Another few turns and one last alley sees him back out on the street, the buildings around him looking older, less polished._ 'Home at last.'_ He takes a moment to orient himself and get his bearings, figuring the shortest path to a pub he frequented for the first two years after he turned eighteen. After that, he'd been on duty and out of the city so much he'd never really had time to go back.

Taking those first few steps guides his eyes to finding his shadow sitting on a fence. She looks... young, barely a teenager to his eyes, maybe fifteen. Pale gray orbs stare at him unblinking, dusky brown skin pulled too tight over a body stretched and thin from lack of food. She's staring at him, a challenge in her eyes to match his quizical gaze. He slowly walks past her, never looking away, wary of what she might be looking for. When she doesn't move, he shakes his head and quickly moves on, tuning her out.

He didn't hear her move. He didn't hear her bare feet hit the ground. He didn't hear her running steps coming. He just felt her hand slip into his pocket and snatch his wallet, felt her shoulder jostle him, saw her grin and dip into an abandoned building.

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_Personal logs of Commander Victory Shepard, SSV Normandy. Dictation of spoken word. (Like always...)_

_Ok, so... How I got here. Tali asked, and it got me thinking. I haven't actually wanted to remember that for a long time. Things were... bad. Really bad._

_When I was a kid, I lost my parents. When I say 'kid', I mean toddler. I was in orphanges until I was about, uh... seven I think? They moved me into a foster home around then, but I hated it there. The man of the 'family' was a drunk bastard. Used to hit me a lot, pretty much whenever something didn't go his way. When I hit thirteen, that happened a lot more, since I'd hit puberty and... matured a bit. That was actually as mature as my chest ever got, to be honest, but that's beside the point. Fucking lush kept trying to get me in his bed, and would hit me if I didn't jump in, which I never did. Gave him a few kicks 'tween the legs though._

_The woman, the one that was supposed to be my 'mum', she never did anything to stop her husband. How these two got ahold of me I'll never know, but the cow never tried to stop him. I learned real damn quick that I had to take care of myself, and about three months after my thirteenth birthday, I'd had enough._

_I split in the middle of the night, met up with some of the street kids I'd met in the orphange years before. They'd formed up calling themselves the 'Reds', ident of red armbands or paint on our skin. I ran with Finch, best damn thief I ever met, taught me how to live on the streets. There were a few others, but I mostly stuck to Finch, kept myself a pickpocket. I refused to whore, and I didn't like to think about being a mule, so that's kinda all I had left. _

_Kept up with that gang for about two years, managed to find the right trouble when I was fifteen. Had a mark come up, Alliance military bloke. Followed him down a dozen back alleys, away from the rich and richer into the part of town where I grew up. He knew where he was going, so I'm guessing that's where he came from too. Turned out that he was famous in the service, and only got more famous after this. David Anderson was the guy I stole from that day, and he... showed me that not every man was a drunken asshole._

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A scrawny girl with dark skin runs silently along the lower rooftops, keeping her eyes on the man in the uniform three floors below. The way he's walking, never stopping to look around or get straightened out, suggests that he's familiar with the area, knows where he's going, which seems odd to her, but she'll worry about that another time. Right now, it's all she can do to spot his cash.

He steps out onto the street, and she drops down onto a low wall and scoots over to sit on the fence closest to the street. He notices her, watches her like a hawk, but decides to ignore her when she doesn't move. She grins wide, finally spotting which pocket has the wallet and how to take it. _'Now you're mine, jarhead.'_

She hits the ground running, bulling into him and snatching his wallet from his pocket, giggling and running into the broken-down apartment building to her left. She can hear his heavy boots drumming on the floor behind her, chasing at her heels as she darts around. Through another door, and then another, the girl runs.

_'Oh shit. Trapped.'_ She's run herself into a deadend room, nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. No escape except for...

She breaks for the window and almost makes it. The impact from his tackle knocks them both through the frame and out into the alley two stories below. Groaning from the landing, sore from being used to give a building a black eye, and with a ringing in her ears, she tries to focus on the face of the man that hit her as black creeps into her vision.

_...ow._

_...What..._

_...the...fuck..._

_...chocolate..._

She sits bolt upright with a shuddering, gasping breath that pushes her small chest out as far as it will go, eyes wide and fearful. The first thing she sees is the man that she pickpocketed, sitting across the alleyway staring at her. She flinces and hides her face with her hands, but... nothing happens. He doesn't move. Twitching her head to look at him again, one of her grimy curls falls in front of her face, reminding her that she's a filthy street urchin and he's a clean, shiny booted, groomed member of the military.

She flinches again when he raises his hand, even though nothing else moves and it's just a slight shift showing that his wallet is in his hand again. Those eyes, dark brown...

_...chocolate..._

...stare at her. "Who are you?" he asks, his voice too loud in the silence, thunder crashing on her ears and speeding her heart so she feels like she's running again. He still doesn't move. She doesn't answer.

"Where are your parents?" His accent is flat, like he hasn't lived in the city for a long time.

"Don't.." she coughs, "Don't have no parents. M'n orphan. Obvious, innit?" she squeaks beligerently. He almost smiles, that almost thought glinting in his eye. He asks again, "Who are you?" She still doesn't answer.

The man sighs, rolls to his feet and crouches in front of her. She flinches before she can stop it, realises that she did, and defiantly drops her hands to her sides, staring him down, daring him to hit her. He stares into her eyes, almost like he's searching for something. After a few minutes of their unspoken staring contest, he nods and stands up, like he's just going to walk away.

_He didn't hit me. He... he didn't hit me! He- I- what?_

"Hey mista!" she calls out. "Call me Shepard, everyone does. I take care o' the other street kids." Why'd I tell him that?

He turns and looks at her, a small grin on his face. "Well then Shepard, nice to meet you. Word of advice for the future, don't try and steal from a miltary man." With a wave, he walks off, until she calls out, "What's your name then?"

He doesn't turn, but he answers her just the same. "David Anderson." Then he's gone.

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_[Anderson's memoir, cont.]_

_I thought that would be the last time I saw her. Kids like that get swallowed up by the city every day, it never changes. I didn't count on her being smarter than the rest of them though. I gave her my name, but nothing else. I went to the pub, had a few drinks, something to eat, struck out with a couple girls. I wasn't trying with them, not really. They weren't Kahlee, so I didn't see the point. When I went staggering home, I half expected to wake up on the side of the road._

_I didn't pass out though, got home safe and moderately happy. The good mood lasted all of five seconds when I got to the door though. Curled up on the ground, right on my welcome mat, was the same little girl. She seemed even smaller, weak and frail while sleeping in front of my apartment. I felt... pity, I suppose, and a bit of wonder. She'd found my apartment with nothing more than my name and the fact that I served in the military, when there had to be a dozen David Anderson's in London._

_I crouched down to shake her awake, and got a black eye for my efforts. Even then, before anyone taught her to fight, she had a mean left hook. After a moment of looking like a trapped animal, she calmed down and went back to just staring at me. When she spoke, it was damn near a whisper. "Why didn't you hit me, or arrest me or something?" she asked._

_I was amazed. She had tracked me down just ask why I hadn't hurt her any more than tackling her out that window had. I didn't have an answer for her either, not right away. I stood up and opened my door, saying that she could come in if she wanted but that I needed coffee. The way she'd been acting, I didn't expect her to come in, but while I was making a cup, I heard the door close and the couch creak just a little. I thought about her question and found an answer._

_"I didn't hit you because you live on the street, by the sweat of your own brow. You were just trying to survive. I admire that. Same reason I didn't arrest you." I said. When I looked at her, there was a look in her eyes that I didn't expect. It was almost like hero worship. I don't think she'd ever had anyone say that they admired something about her, and she was at the age where that mattered to her more than anything else. I offered her some coffee as well, and she took it. I laughed when she tried to drink it for the first time. She gagged and just about spit it all up on the carpet, and she looked me in the eye and asked how I could drink something that tasted like dirty socks._

_We talked for a couple hours, then she said she had to go. She said the other kids were waiting for her. I asked her to wait so that she wouldn't go home empty handed and grabbed a loaf of bread to give her. I told her it wasn't charity. I said I was buying her time, and a promise that she wouldn't try to steal my wallet again. She grinned, took the bread, and did an absolutely horrible salute. Then she was gone._

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_[Shepard's log, cont.]_

_I never did figure out why, but I went back again the next night. I waited for him at the door, and when I saw him I made some remark I thought was witty back then. He smiled, invited me in again, and we talked some more. Some time that night, he said he was leaving in the morning. He had some deployment thing, and in the years since then I still haven't gotten him to tell me what he was doing that time._

_He told me about the military that night, about how a person could enlist at eighteen, about how the Alliance takes care of its soldiers. Everything he said to me gave me hope. Hope that I could escape the hell I lived in, that I could have something better, that I could eat regularly! Back then, that was the biggest thing to me, the idea that I wouldn't have to wonder where my next meal was gonna come from. I kinda fell in love with the military that night._

_When I left, he gave me his omni-com so that I could have someone to talk to if I needed it, or at the very least I could leave a message and he'd get back to me. I remember looking at this man, twenty years or so older than me, and yes I appreciate that it's twenty one years but that's unimportant, and thinking that I'd met him while trying to steal his wallet and he was already acting more like what I thought a father should act like than my foster father had in the six years I'd known him._

_For the next several months, I got a few calls from him, checking up on me, and I'd tell him that I wanted off the streets, that I couldn't wait until I was eighteen so I could enlist. He'd laugh at me, and then he'd say that I had to look out for my own, not just myself. I tried to do that, since it's kinda what I'd been doing before I ran into him anyway. I kept the Reds together, kept us safe. Kept us fed sometimes too, though it wasn't easy. I managed to stay out of jail, and I never once let the really young kids get caught muling, though that was mostly because I didn't let them mule._

_Seven months to the day after his deployment, Anderson came back. He sent me a message saying he'd be free sometime soon if I wanted to catch up and get some easy food, but... [heavy sigh]_

_That was when I knew I had to get out. I'd just turned sixteen, I'd taken this kid Curt out on a run. Curt Weisman, scruffy little blond boy about five years younger than me. He'd only joined a couple weeks before. Finch and his group were working the riches, Curt and I were running the midtown like I always did. We heard sirens, but we didn't pay attention. Then, a couple minutes later, this skycar plummets down and hits the pavement. The doors open up, and there's Finch, dragging out a girl about my age named Meredith Wu. She was unconscious and bleeding profusely. A few other Reds stumble out, and the oldest guy we had, about nineteen, carries out a body over his shoulder. It was Curt's little brother._

_Three more skycars come down, all of them squad cars. Finch and a few of the others pull pistols that they shouldn't have had, and suddenly I'm standing in Hell. That was the first time I got shot, and I was just a bystander. One of the kids goes down, and Curt snaps out of his shock. He screams his anger and hatred at the cops, blaming them for his brother's death, and picks up the pistol from the ground. He... [shaky breath] This kid I was trying to protect and teach to survive gets pumped full of so many holes I could actually see daylight through him just before he fell over._

_They couldn't tie me to the Reds, since I was literally just a girl to them. I was there when the cars came down, I didn't try to fight, I couldn't run because I got shot almost immediately, and I was just crying. They cleaned everything up, and then they asked me where I lived. I didn't know what else to say, so I gave them Anderson's address. I remember getting in the back of the squad car, still crying and looking weak, and just sitting there as I watch the city slide by. It seems like only a second passes, and then they're getting out of the car, opening my door, and helping me walk. Anderson opens the door, and there's this look on his face that seems like a mix of disappointment and... relief I guess. The officers tell him what happened, and he just nods, thanks them for bringing me home, and lets me in._

_I sat on his couch and just... stared into space. That was it._

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Shepard sniffs softly, her gray eyes red and bloodshot. Every few seconds, there is a twinge in her leg to remind her that she's injured. That she was shot while trying to help keep her companions alive and well. Her savior and her only way out of this life sits in a chair across the room from her, just staring at her. After what seems like hours, he asks softly. "What happened?" The floodgates open and she starts crying again, sobbing out her story to David and being weak, all the while telling herself _'This is the last bloody time I'll ever cry. The last time I'll ever be weak.'_

Anderson listens, and when she stops talking, he stands and starts clinking about in the kitchen. A minute later, he returns and pushes a glass with some amber liquid into her hands. "This is going to burn, and it might taste awful, but it'll help. Or at least, it'll help smooth your nerves. It's whiskey, and it's the only kind of medicine I have for you right now." She takes it and slams it down, regretting it almost immediately when she starts to cough. The movement makes her leg feel like it's on fire again, which is in itself enough to make her shiver uncontrollably. Still, she realizes that he's just trying to help. "Thanks..." she mumbles, the alcohol making her head go fuzzy, the blood loss and the pain draining all the warmth and energy out of her at once. She can't keep her eyes open any longer, and for once she is grateful when the deep black swallows her vision.

_She walks a street bereft of people. The silence is comforting at first, but something about it just seems... wrong. Her footsteps echo strangely, waves crashing on a shore that is at once too far and close. Nervous, she looks around, and in the window sees a moment frozen in time._

_A man, face blotchy from too much drinking, stands over a little girl. She isn't his daughter, her dusky skin smooth and even in color where his is white and pitted with scars over his cheeks. He looks to be yelling at her, his hand raised as if he'd just hit her._

_One drum beat._

_Another window, another scene. The girl isn't so little anymore, her body stretched from recent growth and her hair covering her eyes as she struggles. The man from before has ahold her wrist in one meaty fist and his belt in the other. She's fighting to get away, the bed in the corner the last place she wants to be. Her foot is pulling back, ready to snap forward into his groin and cross his bloodshot, beady eyes._

_Two beats of the drum._

_This window shows a horrid night on the streets. The girl is running, pouring rain soaking what clothes she has and making her way treacherous. In the distance, a car with flashing lights the color of cherries and berries can be seen, it's spotlight piercing the shadows looking for vagrants to harass. Closer and more worrying is the yellow reflection in the darkness ahead of her, two points of light that seem to focus right through her as she clutches her shirt for warmth._

_The drum beats thrice._

_The last window in the row. A boy, tears of anger on his face. The girl, hand on her leg, crimson pouring between her fingers. She's screaming the boy down, but it isn't working. Other boys of varying ages, all with red on their arms or legs, pull triggers and fight against someone just out of sight. The boy with the tears is dying, little jets of red spurting from his back even as he pulls his own trigger and fails to fall. The girl looks broken, off. Wrong. Not all there as she watches her friends die._

_The drum beats four times, then roars to life with a staccato rhythm._

With a gasp, Shepard wakes. David is asleep in the armchair, his face a bit worried even so. The windows show that night has fallen, so she's been out for a few hours. Trying hard not to wake him, she rolls to her feet and shuffles into the kitchen, glass in hand while she searches for a faucet. She finds it and grins, the idea of a little water making her much happier than it should. It's odd, but she doesn't care right now. The hiss of the water in her ears, she takes a deep breath, filling her lungs to remind herself that she's still alive. That she made it through the day, as difficult as that was, without dying. Yes, she lost some people, but she survived, and that's what's important, right?

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_[Anderson's memoir, cont.]_

_[deep breath] She wasn't violent back then, she was just quick to distrust after that day. She got the first of many scars, and it was like that was a turning point. I offered to let her stay in my apartment, read my books, even use an old omnitool of mine so that she could access the net. She took me up on that, though I got the distinct impression that had anyone else asked her at that point, she'd have kneed them in the balls and ran. I knew I was going to be gone most of the time, I even told her that, and she didn't care. She had a stable place to live, and she had someone she could trust. She looked up to me, saw me as someone who would never hurt her. I had saved her by letting her in the door that day, and that had a profound effect on the relationship that came out of that action._

_She never said it back then, but that was when she began to treat me like a father. Like the father she couldn't remember, the one she should have had all along. Hell, I even started to think of her as a daughter. She certainly made me proud like one. She found a way to take courses online from a local school, though where she got the money I don't know. I never asked, though I assume she used what little she had and stole the rest when she needed to. I would find her reading, or typing on an interface, or tinkering with bits of wire and old computer parts, and that was when I was home at all. I remember the last time I saw her before she turned eighteen._

_She came home all excited, her eyes dancing with joy. She gave me a hug in passing, but I'm not entirely sure she even knew I was there, because the minute she let go she dashed to her room, which used to be my little studio. I heard her tossing things about for a few minutes, and then quiet broken only by her muttering calculations too fast and too complex for me to understand. I'm still amazed by that, that a girl half my age went shooting past me in terms of knowledge and what she understood about maths, science, and engineering. I'm fairly certain that she was a prodigy, she just never got the chance to show it before then, and by the time she did she was already so distant from society she could only excel quietly._

_It was a couple hours before I saw her again that night, but when I did, she was glowing. She came out and sat on the couch where she always did and said, "Victory." I didn't understand what she meant, but then she held up an omnitool. I knew she had one, but I could see it on her wrist still, same as mine. I was about to ask her where she got it, and then it hit me. She _made_ it. This girl I'd taken in had made an omnitool, and then she held it out to me._

_"This is yours." she said. The look on her face was hard and determined, but she was smiling. It was her way of saying thank you to me, the guy who let her into his home after she tried to steal his wallet. You know, I still use that omnitool now, almost ten years later. A couple weeks later, I left on assignment again, and I knew that when I came back, she'd be gone. She still wanted to enlist, and her birthday was only a month away. I kept my ear to the ground around then, and sure enough, I heard about a new recruit with the name Shepard. What amused me was that her full name was Victory Shepard. She had taken it upon herself to find a first name, and I'm pretty sure that she chose Victory as a signal to me that she was finally free from the remains of her old life. She'd made it._

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_[Shepard's log, cont.]_

_I went into the military to escape my demons, and it kinda worked. I vanished off the grid as far as the Reds were concerned, and I was a new person. The problem was that I was fresh blood at the Academy, and fresh blood always takes the heat. The second and third year recruits did what they'd always done, made my life as a first year hell. It had been done to them, and it had been that way for decades, kind of like a tradition. What they didn't count on was me being from the streets, and a bad home before that. To be fair, I didn't know things were gonna work out the way they did either._

_Somewhere along the line, I'd snapped. The first time they messed with me, I let it slide. The second time, I caught the nearest one responsible for it and I beat him bloody. That kept happening, and I kept ending up in the infirmary with them, but I didn't care. I was standing up for myself for the first time in my life, saying 'no more of this bullshit, I won't take it anymore.' I was proud to be standing up on my own, and it attracted someone special to me._

_The first time I fell in love was at that academy. I thought I was insane, considering that all I knew was men and women together, but I couldn't change it. She was... different from the rest, and she was beautiful. No one else saw her that way, and I can sort of understand why. I see the reason every time I look in the mirror. They called her 'Scarface' because of the lines of scarring on her cheek and her neck, apparently from being attacked by a dog when she was younger. I saw the scars as a badge of honor though, and thought they actually made her more beautiful instead of less. Her name was Melanie, Melanie Lorecki. She was a year ahead of me, but she never joined in the hazing. I guess maybe that's why I originally fixated on her._

_I remember though, as I was recuperating in the hospital once, she came to visit me. She asked why I kept fighting back so hard, why I didn't just put my head down and bear through it. I told her that doing so would be just like losing, and I refused to lose anymore. I'd already lost too much before then to let myself keep that up. She didn't understand at first, so I told her about my life, about the years before Anderson found me, and even the incident that made me realize just how badly I needed to get out of that life. She listened to me, and when I told her about being shot, I showed her the scar. She... her reaction was far from what I expected. I expected her to shy away from it like everyone else had, but... she reached out and touched it. Her fingers were soft, and warm, and gentle... that touch sent shivers up and down my spine. Then I got the surprise of my admittedly short lifetime, because she started finding all of the other scars and tracing them. Most of them were recent, memories of my fights at the Academy, but there were a few from my time outside the system._

_I saw her many more times after that, both in and out of the infirmary. At some point, it stopped being visits and started being something else, but I didn't know back then what I was doing. I didn't realize that we were dating until about six months in, when she gave me a bracelet she'd made herself and said, "Here's to six months with my dark skinned angel." That was when I got my first kiss, because that's when I just lost control. She had made me so happy by talking to me, and yet somehow I hadn't noticed that every dinner we had she would dress a little nicer for, or that she'd actually wear makeup. It all crashed in on me then, and I grabbed her face and snogged her silly. Her laugh rang in my ears after that, and a few of our fellow recruits catcalled us in the mess the next day, but I was happy._

_We graduated at the same time, with me graduating early because of sponsorship from Lieutenant Commander Anderson as well as my work with military grade omnitools and amp interfaces. I was twenty, she was twenty one. We both went on assignment, though we were on separate ships of the Fifth Fleet. We kept up, just like you'd expect of two people so deeply in love._

_Then, about a month before the Skyllian Blitz, we heard about a research team that had been wiped out by batarian raiders. They'd had an Alliance team giving them security, and the names of the dead came in. [heavy sobbing] Melanie's name was the last one on the list. I... they said that they could only identify the body because of the heavily customized omnitool that I'd given her. They said, "We only knew it was Corporal Lorecki because of the inscription on her gear. 'I love you Mels. ~ Your angel'" She was just...[soft sob] She was just twenty three._

_[shaky breath] When the Torfan mission came up, I volunteered. We were told that a group of batarians had been found there, and that we were to take them out or capture them, whichever happened first. What happened is now part of official history, but..._

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Victory's breathing is harsh, angry, rough. She's on her feet, her gun is in her hand, and the batarians who took everything from her will pay. At least, that's what she tells herself, but she knows that she'll have to follow the orders she's given. Her unit moves forward, with Major Kyle at the head of the column. Some of these people look at her with apprehension in their eyes, and she can hear the whispers.

"Can she do this?"

"Will she be alright?"

"I heard that the batarians..."

"...her girlfriend..."

"I hope she doesn't get herself killed..."

"Is she here for revenge?"

At first, their movement isn't impeded, and doesn't even seem to be noticed. They get a rude awakening when the ravine they've marched through is rocked with an explosion, bringing down the walls behind them and blocking off their evac route. The Major's eyes shine with fear, the faces of her comrades are uncertain, and the only thing left for them to do is move forward, but no one wants to. No one moves for several minutes, then...

"Cootes, get your ass moving, take point and give me a report of what's ahead. Punjhali, Evert, you're with him. Major, take the unit up the ravine and out, there should be a clearing up ahead just in front of the the base we're here to bring down. Keats, Mikael, Soto, you're with me. Get your nerves ready and your rifles hot, we're doing what we do best and providing cover fire."

When everyone just stares at her, she growls and starts shoving the scouts ahead. "I said move! The Major isn't taking charge and we're sitting ducks if we stay here with our thumbs up our asses, so someone has to do something! Come on, we have a mission, let's do it!" Words spoken in anger surprisingly get her people moving, and they form up into a functioning unit once more. She takes her snipers up a ridge, her pistol in one hand and her other hand glowing.

"Cootes here. We don't see a damn thing. The doors are open, doesn't seem to be anyone even he- grhkk.."

"Holy shit! Cootes is down, I repeat, Cootes is down! Looked like a knife to the throat, there's someone in- _BAM_"

"Evert dropped! I'm getting out of here, there's a sniper somewhere! Shepard, get the Major and the rest of the unit here now, I need assistance!"

Cursing under her breath, she calls down to the man who is supposed to be her commanding officer, "Major Kyle, get your men moving! We just lost two scouts, there are hostiles in the building, I repeat, there are hostiles in the building. We are mission go."

She gets her team in place just in time to see that the batarians knew they were coming, and they were ready. People she had trained with were falling like dominoes, and they couldn't stop hemorrhaging troops. Screaming in anger, she charges down into the fray, pistol barking and grenades flying from her hands. Her snipers cover her most of the way until they have problems of their own. Major Kyle goes down with a bullet in the knee and loses consciousness. This really is her mission now.

A poorly placed shot splits her helmet, staggering her and knocking her to the ground. _'I can't... I can't... Goddammit I can't see!'_ she screams in her head. A roar of rage bubbles out of her throat as she rips the pieces of her helmet off and fires in the general direction the shot came from. She's rewarded with a scream as one of her wild bullets hits the sniper in the leg, causing him to fall from his perch to his death on the ground below. Another batarian charges up to her, a biotic push slamming the breath out of her and knocking her to the ground. She hears it say "Goodbye human" about the time she notices the muzzle of a shotgun six inches from her face. With no way out, nothing to do but fight and make them all pay, she snaps her head to the side. Her cheek catches fire when the trigger is pulled, the burning pain threatening to send her into shock, and she holds on with everything she has left.

Her rage and loss push her forward. When everything in her body wants to shut down, she wills herself to move. She's on her feet again, and her movements are not her own. She watches as someone's hand shoves a grenade in the mouth of the murderer in front of her. She watches as someone's hands grab and throw him into a knot of more murderers. She watches them die in fire. She watches the hands that are not her own pick up a rifle someone dropped, and she watches through the scope as the fingers that do not belong to her fire again and again and again, killing murderer after murderer.

What little is left of her unit has formed up around her, even dragging their commanding officer with them. They've stopped the bleeding, so he'll live, but she's still in charge. Everyone looks at her in fear as the hands that are hers once more lower the rifle. "Come on. We're not done." she says, her voice raspy and her face sending shocks of pain all over her body.

Except... they are done. The remaining batarians have surrendered. They think that they are safe, that human honor will protect them, that as prisoners they'll make it home. They killed her girlfriend. They killed her angel. They killed her reason for mercy, so they get none. There are only eight left, so finishing the job is easy. Her pistol barks again, once for each murderer on his knees in front of her.

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_[Anderson's memoir, end of chapter about Shepard.]_

_When I heard about Torfan, I thought that they were lying to me. I thought that they had to be wrong. I thought a lot of things that day, and in the days after, but when they told me that Victory's girlfriend, a woman I'd actually met, had been killed a month before the Skyllian Blitz, I understood why. I knew then why Victory had gone down to that moon and slaughtered every last stinking batarian she could find. I accepted that it had happened, and I knew why. They gave her a medal for it, which surprised the hell out of me, but I'm pretty sure that it was more because she took command when their CO was unfit than anything else._

_Over the years following that, I heard her called a lot of things, and most notorious among them was Butcher of Torfan. That was when I think I lost all hope that she'd be gentle ever again. I knew she had once had the capacity to be caring, to be loving, to let people in, but the death of Melanie really shook her. She told me once that after the death of that kid with the Reds, she'd sworn she would never cry or be weak again. When Melanie died, she cried for days, at least according to what her fellow soldiers told me. She went down to that moon to kill every last batarian she could find, I guess to exact a blood price for the death of the woman she loved. She's never really been the same since, and part of that I'm sure is the fact that every time she looks in a mirror, she can see the scar that reminds her of Torfan, and of Melanie._

_When this mission to take down Saren came up, I was sure that it was Torfan all over again. Someone in her squad died, she had a clear villain to take down, it seemed so simple. She even found someone that could hate Saren as much as she did when Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams joined up. Then came the Citadel, and out worlds got turned upside down again. She found Tali._

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_[Shepard's log, cont.]_

_I found Tali._

_That's the moment that changed everything. It had been five years since I let anyone get close to me, and then I go to the Citadel to try and convince the Council that their pet monster was a clear threat to them. Surprise surprise, they do what politicians do and let their little friend off the hook because it's easier and more convenient to do so than to admit that maybe they were wrong about him, and maybe they always had been. I went all over that station that day trying to find the proof I needed, and when I find it, it's in the hands of this curvy little thing that reminds me of Melanie so very much._

_There were several differences, of course. The biggest one was that Mels was human, and Tali is most definitely a quarian. The mask gives that one away. [soft laughter] The second is that this time I'm the one that sought her out. She was so lost on the Normandy, even though the ship itself isn't that big. She just didn't know what to do with herself. But she's sweet, and kind, and she's got this fire that won't be quenched. Kinda like me in that way I guess. I just hope that she never has to go through what I did._

_Somewhere down the line these past few months, I found myself falling in love with her. She's only the second one for me, and if I have anything to say about it, she'll be the last. I don't want there to be another, because I don't want to lose the one I've got now. I don't want... I won't LET her die. I won't lose Tali... I can't. I think... I think that if I lost her, I would live just long enough to tell my dad that I love him, that I'm proud to be his daughter, and that I'm proud to have served with him on the Normandy. I don't think I can live through losing the woman I love again._

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Tali cries when she listens to the story Vicky had taken hours to tell. She cries when she hears what this strong, fierce woman had to go through to get to where she is now. She clings to her when she hears about Torfan, and she hugs her tight, her mask pressed to Vicky's forehead, when she hears why finding Tali changed everything.

"Vicky, I... I don't know what to say. Things have been so horrible for you..."

The dark skinned woman smiles at her and holds her close. "Yeah, they have a bit. But I found Mels, and I found you. It's not all bad. I have a lot of scars, but that's just something that happens. You're healing the worst of them..."

"Maybe you should let the rest of the ship hear this story. It would certainly change the way Garrus sees you, and maybe Wrex."

"Might even get Kaidan to stop following me around like a little puppy..."

"Vicky? You know I love you, right?" the quarian whispers. Her hands trace lightly over the scars that cover Shepard's face and neck, her eyes following the lines where they vanish into her military dress.

"Yeah, I... keep telling me that. I know it, I believe it, I just... need to hear it. I need to know that you love me as much as I love you." Vicky pulls her close, close enough that the only things separating them are the clothes she wears and the suit that Tali needs. "I wish... I wish you didn't need this thing... at least not with me. I wish that in here you could just be... I don't know, free I guess. That this cabin was clean enough for you..."

"I wish that too. I promise you, I'm working on that. I think that I might even have a solution... it just needs a little more time."

"Really?" the Commander gasps, need for this one thing making her voice weak.

"Really really." Tali replies, nuzzling her neck. "But for now, this is going to have to do." She pulls Vicky down on the bed beside her and snuggles up to her chest, relishing the feeling of being even this close. "I love you. Good night, Vicky."

"I love you too. Good night, Tali."

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**A/N:** AGH! long chapter this time, about half the length of the total story to this point. A lot of shifts too, but it was my first time doing that, so I hope it came out ok. I don't mean it was my first time with shifts, but... first time using them to make the story last longer and stuff. Yeah, that. Ok, so... The story of how Torfan happened, and a few other things besides. Fun fun.

I've also gone back and edited a bit on the older chapters, seeing as how I thought they moved too fast and I could use a little more detail. Not much, but enough to help with the flavor and stuff. So, there's that at least.


	9. Without the Mask

"Commander, I know you were a little...out of it last night, so I'll just fill you in. I sent the Virmire mission report away once you had one, and I've been stalling Udina and the Council ever since. You might want to get down to the FTL comm hub, I think they're getting a little antsy."

Shepard groans as her pilot's voice crackles through her quarters, a more effective wake up call than the alarm that had gone off three hours earlier. "Alright alright, I'll get there. Soon. Just... gimme five minutes." When she rolls over, the reason for her laziness becomes apparent to her. Cuddled up to her back is a very happy quarian. Tali is so happy in fact, she's...purring, making the Commander think of a sweet little kitten. Loathe to wake her as she is, Vicky gently shakes her shoulder, whispering as she nuzzles the younger woman's neck, "Time to get up sweetie, we slept late. I have to go report to the Council, and you should... probably go back to engineering. I wouldn't stop you if you decided to ignore that suggestion and follow me though..."

Tali's eyes flutter open behind her mask, a breathy little moan escaping from her lips. Vicky smiles, her face softening into a tender and happy expression filled with all the affection the past several months have bred in her. The simple joy of waking up next to someone she loves was something she had forgotten until now, and it is something she wants to never lose again. "Hey... sleep ok?"

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Tali blushes inside her mask, the look on Victory's face so gentle and loving that it's making her body feel as though there's a fire roiling just beneath the surface. She wriggles until she is able to sit up without moving away from Vicky, the faceplate of her helmet millimeters from making contact. She can just feel her lover's body through her gloves as she trails her fingers up the human's arm to her face. 'Keelah, I just want... I want to rip off this mask and look at her without it. I-I want to feel her breath on my skin... I want to not get sick from feeling her breath on my skin. I wish my immune system was stronger.'

"Vicky, I love you. No matter what happens, I love you, and I always will okay?" She presses the front of her mask against the lips of her dark skinned companion, doing her best to approximate a kiss even with the limitations they have. "I promise that I wasn't lying last night... I will find a way for us to be... together... without my suit. I've almost got it, or at least a theory, and I want to test it. Soon." The look on Shepard's face makes it all worth it, even the fact that she will likely still react to being without her suit. Even the knowledge that she'll be nauseous and sniffly for a couple days afterwards doesn't bother her, not when Victory looks at her like that. Not when the light in her eyes dances so brightly that the scar is more decoration than blemish, and not when her love is so obvious.

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"You fucking bastards! You can't do this, you don't understand! Saren is going to Ilos, and if he finds the Conduit we're all dead! You can't stop what's happening with a prayer and a hope that your guns are big enough, we're talking about a race that has wiped out everything in a constant cycle every fifty thousand years! You say that the protheans were more advanced than even the asari, and they were annihilated. What do you think will happen to you, to any of us, unless you let me stop him?"

"Commander, it's not that simple. Even sending you in could start an all out war with the Terminus systems, that is a chance we cannot take." Councilor Tevos tries to calm the obviously angry human in front of her, but it doesn't seem to be working. She is on the verge of calling Citadel Security to escort the Spectre out of the tower when Valern, not known for speaking up with the humans, calmly starts to try and reason with her.

"Commander Shepard, we will be prepared. The turians have brought their fleet to supplement the Citadel's defensive line, and I am sure your ambassador will agree to lend the Alliance fleet as well. We will be as prepared as we can be, should Saren return with his geth."

Before the Commander can start to shout once again, Udina turns to her and grins his slimy little grin. It's an expression that Tevos hates, and one that Sartorus knows all too well from meeting the human politician. It always makes the both of them desire a shower. He speaks to her saying, "You've done your job Commander, now let me do mine. We have locked out the Normandy's primary systems and frozen your privileges, until further notice you are grounded. The council can handle this." His eyes flick up to them as he continues, "With my help, of course."

There is silence for a moment, then the tiny woman steps to within inches of her ambassador and growls loud enough to be heard all around the room, "I will remember this. Nobody stabs me in the back. _Nobody_." Then she is gone, the harsh sound on her boots assaulting the ground fading quickly as the politicians stare at the pale man left twitching by the podium.

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_Several hours later_

There is a timid knock at her door, and Vicky looks up. There is only one person she wants to see right now, one person who can make her feel okay about being a fugitive of the Council and the Alliance. Her voice barely more than a whisper, she says, "Come in."

The door slides open and Tali is left standing in the doorway, unable to look up. Taking a deep breath, she steps inside and out of sensor range of the door so that it will close again before she says anything. "Shepard... Vicky. I... I'm sorry about what happened, and I'm sorry I didn't finish my project. I'll keep working on it, I promise, but...you need me. Now, here, you need me, and I... I-I need you too. So..."

She raises her hands to her mask and keeps speaking through the lump in her throat, "So I took as many different immuno-boosters as I could. I want... no, I _need_ to give you this. For both of us, I need to give you this moment with me, in case... you know, in case we don't make it. Or in case we fail." There is a faint hiss as she releases the seals keeping the mask in place, then she starts to pull.

Vicky hasn't moved from the bed, apprehension and fear in her eyes as she realizes what Tali is saying. She knows that the younger woman is telling her she's going to take off the mask, but she doesn't know what to do or say and it's almost too late to do anything at all. "Tali, wait..." She didn't speak up in time.

The hood falls back as the cowl and the faceplate come away, revealing the face beneath. Even with her eyes closed, the quarian is beautiful, far more perfect than Victory could have ever imagined. Faint purple skin catches the light and gives her a glow that seems ethereal and otherworldly. The markings on her face are so simple and elegant, leading Vicky's eyes to the impressive waterfall of wavy black hair. Then her eyes open, and the human woman is completely lost. The irises are a rich violet that call to mind images of Earth and the flowers that grow there. She imagines lying in a field surrounded by that color, breathing it in and rolling in it until it fills all of her senses, and suddenly she is lost in the hope that happiness feels like that. The gloves covering Tali's hands hit the ground as she moves closer to her beloved, and just when Vicky thinks that nothing could make the moment better, Tali slowly climbs into her lap.

Gentle touches trail over her neck and her cheeks, lingering and tracing the extensive rippled scar on the left side of her face. Everywhere those slightly rough fingertips go, it feels like an internal wildfire follows, driving the human wild with need and desire. She raises her own hands to touch the quarian's skin, tracing the lines on her throat, then her jawline, then... _'__Her lips are so soft. A little cooler than my skin too.'_ She continues to explore Tali's face, even tracing the markings on her forehead, without noticing that the quarian is fascinated with the sensation of running her bared hands through her hair. She slips her fingers into Tali's hair, chewing on her lip at the way the silky tresses feel when she notices the younger woman shiver and close her eyes.

"Are you okay Tali?" she queries softly. The quarian can only nod, and when Vicky moves her fingers again, she gasps faintly. A sly grin stealing onto her face, the Commander leans forward and speaks against her neck. "Do you want me to keep going?" The wash of warm air on her cool skin arches Tali's back and she almost moans, "...yes. Yes, keelah yes Vicky, keep going. That feels... I've never had anyone do what you're doing before." She grips Shepard's head and hugs her close, pressing the human's face into her neck. The heat from that contact threatens to drive her insane with the pleasure she is feeling, but at least the woman keeps playing with her hair. That almost seems to be enough, but...

A new sensation intrudes on her muddled thoughts. A sweet caress, a touch she's never had, something soft and... Her eyes flutter open when she realizes what Victory is doing. Unconsciously, she rolls her head to the side, giving her more skin and more room to kiss, and she takes her up on the silent offer. Her strong fingers grip the back of the quarian's neck and head as she slowly makes her way up to her jaw. Once there, she pauses a moment, then places a gentle and lingering kiss just under her ear, repeating the action every couple seconds all along her jaw to the corner of her mouth.

"It's... Are you sure, Tali? Are you sure you want this?" she asks, nervous and uncertain. Her gray eyes search the quarian's face, looking for something. Tali stares back, her hands pulling the Commander's face closer so she can rest their foreheads together. _'__Keelah, I'll never get used to the way this feels. I'll never not love it.'_ Out loud, she whispers, "Yes. Victory Shepard, my beloved, captain of my heart, I want this. My name is Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, remember?" Without waiting for a reply, she does the only thing on her mind and pulls the Commander forward to close that final gap. She hopes that the contact alone will be enough to convince her, and it is. After an endless moment, she feels the human's arms wrap around her and press their bodies together. One hand twines into her hair, the other rests on her hip, and the kiss deepens past the point she'd expected.

_'Her lips... they're so warm, so soft. She... oh, by the Ancestors I never could have dreamed... I love... I...'_ All organized thought grinds to a screeching halt in her head as the Commander's lips dance with hers. The heat of her body, of her breath, and of her love ignite a fire in the quarian's chest that quickly splits, part of it dropping through her body to rest low in her body. When Vicky's tongue flicks against her lips, she opens them to let her in. When she moves her own tongue to touch Vicky's, a tug on her heart causes her to hold her even tighter. Nothing else matters, everything is bliss, and all is well in her world.

When the Commander pulls away, she moans in protest and tries to pull her back into the kiss. When she feels the woman's fingers playing with one of the clasps that keep her suit on however, she is suddenly bashful and nervous again. She looks at her face, focused on that one point, and is surprised to see a frown there. "What...?" Vicky's fingers shush her before she can even ask, then her stormy gaze locks onto Tali's eyes and strikes straight to her heart. She can see all of her love, but also all of her uncertainty, and all of the fear that Tali will be gone and she'll be left alone again. Then she speaks, her voice choked and rough, emotion making it difficult for her to articulate at all.

"Tali, I... You know I love you, you know I want this, but are you sure that you do too? Are you absolutely certain that this is what you want, even though... you've heard... what I did at Torfan? I know you know why I did it, the reason I was so angry, but are you sure you want to do this with me? I'm a... I'm a monster, a thing, and you're this." She waves her hand at the quarian, generally indicating her body. "You're this... vision of perfection, a... just look at you. Smooth, flawless skin, these beautiful markings, no scars. Your hair is shiny, healthy, beautiful, and long. Your eyes... they remind me of a flower on Earth, a delicate little thing that somehow manages to thrive just about anywhere. Just like you."

She then waves a hand at the swath of imperfectly healed tissue where her cheek used to be, as well as the countless scars that lace her body. "And look at me. I look as damaged as I am. I'm a mess, and you... You outshine me in every way. How can you want to be with me..." She lowers her face until all Tali can see is the top of her head. "How can you want the Torfan Butcher, a woman so broken that the only way she knows how to deal with people anymore is through violence? I get scared, or upset, or overcome by any kind of emotion and I lash out, and people get hurt. Even those I call friends..."

Tali is speechless for several moments. _'How can Victory see herself like this? Why doesn't she see that she is beautiful, even with all the scars?'_ She rocks backwards until she manages to stand, planting her feet and leaning over so that her face is inches from Vicky's. Her arms are around the human's neck, her hands sliding down her back to grip her shirt. "Vicky..." With a quick jerk, she strips the cloth from her lover's torso. Not even seeking to disguise it, she openly stares at Vicky's body, her violet eyes devouring the sight of her skin as she drops the shirt to the floor. "I think you need to be made to reevaluate your self image." she purrs, a playful grin tugging at her lips. She shoves her down and pounces on her, straddling her waist with her hands splayed on Victory's ribcage. She takes a moment to touch the fabric of her bra, a slightly confused expression on her face. "The things you humans come up with...isn't this thing uncomfortable?"

Victory can only nod as Tali's fingers start to trace the lines of the scars on her arms, working her way up to the shoulders. Then Tali's hands move to her belly and start with the much older scars, those left from the streets of Earth. She traces every last one, a tenderness and sorrow in her eyes as she witnesses the reminders of just how bad Victory's life has been. The scars on her ribs, places where she was shot or cut, where her armor didn't save her or where she was too careless for it to matter. The scars on her shoulders, little dots about the size of old human coins to show bullet holes. All the small scars on her neck, mementos of every time she wasn't fast enough to avoid the claws of some animal, husk, or creeper. These scars she kisses after tracing them, her dark hair falling forward to tickle Victory's jaw and nose. She can hear the woman's breathing hitch every time her lips make contact, and it makes her smile. She whispers in her ear before sitting upright again, "Never doubt that you are beautiful. You may have scars, but you wear them like decorations and badges of honor." As she speaks, she reaches up to the clasps at her shoulders and undoes them, shrugging to start escaping her suit.

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Victory stands alone, speaking to an ancient VI she says is named Vigil. Tali honestly can't understand a word the thing is saying, but the Commander seems to know what's going on. Then the chilling moment comes when Tali hears her whisper, "The whole damn Citadel is a relay?" They start running not long after, urging the elevator out of the chamber to move faster. Then they are in the tank and rolling again, and Victory is pushing the vehicle to the limit and begging for more, desperately trying to reach the Conduit. Garrus doesn't even boast or brag while on the guns, he just fires and keeps the path clear while Tali works on keeping their shields up. Soon, they see the relay ahead, pointing to the sky, but they don't have time to enjoy the view.

They're off again, barreling down the incline and trying to reach...

...the Citadel

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**A/N:** Ok, I'm done with the first game. I know that there is obviously more than just the run to the Citadel, but I'm going to actually do the battle the way I did some other things here, in the form of a personal log. It's actually very important that I do it that way, because of how things go down and the way I need to write the next chapter.

That, and I was running out of ideas how to write this chapter. I know it's not as long as the last one, but I just couldn't make it longer today. Sorry guys.


	10. Remembrances

_Personal logs of Tali'Zorah vas Normandy_

_I... oh keelah, I didn't think this would happen, not to us. I didn't think that she'd leave me like this. Alone. Lost. Broken hearted. [deep breath] Commander Victory Shepard of the Aliance vessel SSV Normandy... is dead. She... died trying to save us all, something that everyone thought she would never do. They say that this remarkable change is because of me, because I changed her, made her a better person. They don't realize that they are blaming me when they say that, they think it is a compliment. I hear the truth under it all though... it is my fault that the Commander is dead. It is because I gave her someone to love, someone to protect, someone to die for. Because of me, Shepard is dead._

_We didn't think it was going to happen like this, of course. We talked about it, she and I, and we both agreed that the only way she'd go down is with my hand in hers as the Reapers destroyed the galaxy, and then only if we failed to stop them. When we went through the Conduit, it looked like that might even happen. We tried to chase Saren down before he gave Sovereign access to the Citadel, but he managed to stall us. Every minute that we fought our way up the outside of the tower was a minute that Sovereign had to try and gain control of the Citadel._

_Even after our helter skelter race up to the top, it looked like Saren might stall us just long enough. If it hadn't been for how incredible and amazing Vicky was...[sob] oh keelah, why did you leave me like this? [heavy sobbing, deep breath] If...it hadn't been for Vicky being so charismatic, we might have failed. Somehow though, she made Saren realize that he was indoctrinated. He told her to fight, to win. He said it was too late for him, but she might have a chance. She told him that it's never too late, and he simply said "Thank you, Shepard." Then he shot himself in the face. Vicky just ran forward and somehow opened the arms of the station. The Alliance fleet called in, Joker on the comms, and asked what they should do._

_Garrus and I both admitted that the Council treated us all like garbage, and yet they deserved to see what serving the greater good really meant. Vicky swore, a lot in fact, but she told Joker to bring the fleet through the relay and save the Destiny Ascension. We watched as they destroyed almost the entire geth fleet around the Citadel and saved the Council, then Vicky quietly told Garrus to make sure that Saren was dead. He hopped down to the atrium below and put another bullet in his head while she just... held me. She was whispering something, but I couldn't understand her for a moment. I listened more carefully, and what I heard was her repeating eight ship names, over and over. 'Cape Town, Cairo, Emden, Jakarta, Madrid, Seoul, Shenyang, Warsaw.' I asked her, and she told me that those were the ships destroyed saving the Destiny Ascension. She wanted to remember them so that their sacrifice wouldn't be forgotten._

_There was this...light, and Garrus screamed from below as the walkway we were standing on almost crashed down on him. What was left of Saren was glowing, and we could hear Sovereign telling us we were going to die. We fought that...thing for what seemed like hours, but we managed to kill it again and survive. The Alliance fleet and the Destiny Ascension managed to destroy the Reaper as well, but...the debris from the battle was everywhere. Some of it crashed into the chamber where we were, and we lost sight of the Commander. We were trapped, we couldn't move, and we could barely breath. CSec came, I don't know when exactly, but they came, and Captain Anderson came with them. He asked where Vicky was, and we...we couldn't tell him. They got us out, but we all thought she was dead until she limped into view. She looked like hell, just like us, but she was alive._

_The Council gave us a few days to heal, then called her into a meeting with them. They apparently thanked her for saving them, and said that her stubbornness and single-minded determination wasn't the weakness they originally believed it to be, but the very reason that humanity managed to come as far as they have so quickly. Humanity was allowed to join the Council, and she nominated Anderson. She told them it was because he had military experience, but when we talked afterwards, she told me that the real reason was to thank him for being so good to her. Kind of a gift to the man she saw as a father._

_And still, even after the best proof she could have given them that the Reapers are real, they still sent her off to fight the remaining geth. They didn't listen, just like before. They told her that there was no proof to show that Sovereign wasn't a geth vessel, or that Saren wasn't just charismatic enough to get the synthetics to follow him by telling them that his ship was their god. They sent her to fight an enemy they could understand, no matter how loud she and Anderson shouted at them. They ignored everything we had given them out of fear of what it would mean for their narrow view of how things are. I was disgusted, and I still had to finish my pilgrimage. We spent another night together, just so that I could give her a reason to come home alive. She went off on that stupid mission, and I started to look for a way back to the fleet. That week without her was... so long, so lonely. I spent every last moment I could checking to see if she had sent me a message, left even an "I love you" for me, but she never did._

_I remember seeing Kaidan and feeling so much hope. I thought they had found and destroyed the renegade geth immediately and were back in Council space, but... they hadn't. She hadn't. He told me to meet him and everyone else at the Conduit, that he had something we needed to know. Wrex couldn't be there, he said that he was needed on Tuchanka, but he was sorry. I should have known then that there was something wrong. Garrus, Liara, and I waited, and eventually the human showed up. He destroyed my world that day. He told us about the ambush, how they didn't see it coming, how they were on a routine patrol for the fourth day in a row with no sign of geth activity. He told us that there was just this...blast that destabilized the whole ship, and no one knew what happened. He heard three more in the next thirty seconds, and the ship was burning, and people were dying. He ran to find the Commander, my Vicky, and...she yelled at him, told him to get everyone on the shuttles and leave. He refused, and she did what she always did: she punched him. Then she pulled him to his feet and told him to go and save everyone he could._

_The last time he saw her, she was struggling to make it up the stairs to the CIC, and the cockpit beyond. She risked everything to save Joker. She was still in the ship when the thing that attacked them came back to finish the job. She got Joker out, but she didn't make it into the pod with him. When the ship blew, she... oh Ancestors... when the ship blew, she was sucked into the vacuum of space. She was just gone. We ran to the Council, begged them to let us go back to that quadrant, to let us look for her body. I held onto the hope that she had somehow survived, and that if they let us go we could miraculously find her alive. I thought that would be so like her, defying the gods she believed in to live and come home to me, even though our home was just so much scrap. They told us they couldn't spare the ships for a search... they gave up on her. The hero of the Citadel, the woman who saved so many lives, including theirs, and they gave up on her._

_I screamed at them for that, and I screamed at Kaidan for leaving her behind. Garrus dragged me, kicking and screaming, to the human embassy. I cried, and I don't know when I stopped or how long it took, but when I was done, I screamed at him too. I screamed at him for not being there, I screamed at him because I couldn't scream at her. I blamed him, I blamed Kaidan, I blamed her, but mostly I blamed myself. I should have been there. I know I couldn't have stopped it, and I know that she would have thrown me off the ship too, or I would have died with her, but at least then I wouldn't have had to hear about her dying. Maybe if I had been there, she wouldn't have been lost. Joker said she was knocked away from the pod, but maybe if I had been there, I could have grabbed her and pulled her in. I still blame myself... I think I always will. I loved... no, I love her. I will always love her... I can't not love her. And maybe if I never let go, she'll always be alive in me, or at least not forgotten._

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Citadel, Presidium

Funeral for Commander Victory Shepard, Hero of the Citadel

Councilor Anderson, humanity's only remaining voice, stands at a podium looking out over the gathered masses. His heavy heart shows in the tone of his voice as he speaks. "Shepard was in many ways the best of humanity, as well as the worst. She was charismatic, singularly focused, and strong, and she made us proud as she fought for us all. And yet, there was shame there as well. Shame for Torfan, shame for the way she seemed to not care what happened to others when the mission was at stake. For her, the mission came first. We saw her results, and we cringed at the cost of them.

Let us all understand then, the terrible cost of that vision. The Commander grew up on our homeworld Earth, alone and lost. She was an orphan, and no one knows what happened to her parents. She, like so many orphans, got lost in the shuffle and was sent to a place that should have been a home. Instead, she was treated as a pest, a nuisance, and a parasite. She endured for six years, and when she could take it no more, she ran into the streets. I found her there, and I took her in, gave her a place to stay, resources to learn from, and an example to follow. She told me, the night she came to me, that she had watched the pseudo-family she had built get torn apart by death in the gutters, and she ran again. For the two years that followed that night, she learned everything she could. She devoured any book, manual, or schematic I sent to her while I was on tour, and when she turned eighteen she enlisted.

That was when she gained her name. On the streets, she was Shepard. She took care of the kids that came to the gang she ran with, and she protected them. After she ran away from that life, she clung to that name to give herself an identity. When she enlisted, she called herself Victory, and I think it was because she survived, and she made it to a place where she could make a difference. She saw it as an opportunity to make sure that no one else she knew would die ever again.

While she was at the Academy, she met someone. Her name was Melanie, and Shepard came to love her. They were everything to each other. They were each other's reason for waking up, for strapping on their boots and walking onto the ships they served on, for everything they did. Then came the Skyllian Blitz, and the attack on Elysium. About a month prior to that, Shepard had gotten a notification that destroyed her. There had been a science team on assignment on a small, uncharted world, and a squad of batarian slavers hit them, killing everyone when the marines that were their guards fought back. Among the listed dead was Melanie, the woman that Shepard loved. The Alliance is not proud of what happened on Torfan after that, and I know that it has haunted us all in the five, nearly six years since. She went down to that moon intending to make every single batarian she could find pay in blood for the loss of her lover. She sacrificed nearly eighty percent of her squad in the pursuit of whatever justice she thought she was achieving, and we all know her name because of it.

But that was not all that she was. She was, at the heart of it all, just a scared girl, too afraid of losing someone else to understand what drove her forward. I know that she was hated or feared by much of the galaxy for what she did, but I want the galaxy to know that it was grief, not hatred, that pushed her down that slippery slope. In the years following, she let no one get close to her so that Torfan would never happen again. When she went to Eden Prime, there was a Spectre with her who was there to evaluate her. Nihlus was there because he, and by extension the Council, believed that there was a possibility that she could move past her trauma and be a force for good. No one could have guessed what would come out of a mission that even the Alliance deemed as a failure, but she stood forward and fought for her conviction that Saren, the real monster of the massacre on Eden Prime, was a menace to every race out here. She proved that he was working on his own, and that the geth were with him.

That mission led to another person who would change her life completely. There was a young quarian on pilgrimage, a woman named Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, who helped her prove to the Council what Saren was doing. She accompanied the Commander on her ensuing mission, fighting at her side. From mission logs and the personal logs of Shepard herself, I know that this woman saved her in the most important way I can think of. She gave her someone to love again, someone she would move worlds for. That young quarian gave the Savior of the Citadel a reason to fight with everything she had, and when the battle was almost lost, gave her just a little bit of her humanity back. Because of the love that they shared, Victory called the Alliance fleet at Arcturus through the relay and saved the Destiny Ascension, sacrificing the few for the good of the many. She and all the soldiers who lost their lives in that fight are why we are here today. We are here today to remember a hero. All of them, heroes."

Anderson pauses his long speech, tears in his eyes, and looks out over all those in front of him. Then, no more a politician in that moment, he finishes speaking with one last heartfelt declaration. "Now, when it is too late to say it so she can hear me, I will say the words I should have nine years ago when she enlisted. I am proud to have known her, and she is the closest thing I will ever have to a family. I am proud of the Commander. I am proud of my daughter." The Presidium is silent for a moment, and then a gentle clapping begins, crescendoing into a thunderous roar of applause. The faces of those gathered are not dry, and there isn't a soul there that doesn't feel for the fallen woman and everything she has lost.

Tali turns and slips away, unable to look at those around her without remembering the cost of their lives. She knows it is selfish, but she would give them all into the embrace of the darkness for just one more moment with Shepard.

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_Personal logs of Tali'Zorah vas Normandy_

_This is all I can do. I have nothing now, nothing but the life she granted us all and the fight against the geth. I still have the data that she gave me, and I still have my people. I know that it should all mean more to me, but honestly it doesn't. Without her there, nothing does, not anymore. Since the funeral... it was more of a memorial service I suppose... since then I haven't really had much desire to do anything, and that upsets me even more. Vicky would tell me to get back up, to soldier on, and I know I should. It's just so... difficult without her. Is this what she felt like when her Melanie died? It must have been._

_I am back with the fleet, and no one here understands what it's like. Oh, they understand what it is like to lose a loved one, but that's not what I mean. They don't understand what it means to love the strongest woman to live in I don't know how long and then... just lose her. She was so much more than just a woman, and she was so much more than just the woman I loved. She was my everything, my balance, my compass. She was the star in my life, the very air I breathed. She gave me so much, and all I could give her was my heart and a few stolen moments. I gave her what I had to give, but she gave me that and everything she couldn't give besides. That's what no one here in the fleet can understand. She gave us all so much, and me more than anyone else. She trusted that I would be there to catch her when she fell, that I would be there to wipe her tears when she cried, that I would be there to smile and kiss her when she came home again, and I couldn't even begin to equal that._

_So I'm doing what I can to honor her memory._

* * *

_I got a message today. I don't know who sent it, but it said "They'll fix this." That's all it said._

_I don't know who 'they' is, or what they'll fix. I wish I understood. [sigh] This is still all so hard. I look at my people, and in the reflections of our masks I can see her face. I look at the shotgun that I clean, and I see her handing it to me. I look down at my wrist and see the omnitool there, and I remember her buying it for me as a gift, just because she could. I'm doing the best I can to live my life without my beloved, but everything I see and everything I do reminds me of her. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her._

_My father has started to look at the data I brought back, and I think he has a few ideas. I'm fairly certain that he's going to try and use this to keep a promise he made to me when I was little. I remember him telling me when I got my first suit that he was going to give me a homeworld one day, that he was going to find a way to take back Rannoch so that I could breath the air of our planet myself. So that I could be the first quarian in three hundred years to breath that air without a mask._

_I wish Vicky were here. She'd have some ideas too, and she'd want to help him so that she could outdo herself again. I think that she'd want to be there for it, that she'd be immensely proud to be part of that. That she'd just love giving me a gift I could never equal and give me back the planet of my people. Somewhere in her heart, I think she was going to try to do that if she got the chance. I know that she had told me she was going to come visit me when her mission to eliminate Saren's geth was over. Maybe she would have asked the Alliance for a leave of absence so she could join the fleet for just a little while and work with my father._

_Oh, that is not a conversation I would have wanted to be there for. "Hi I'm Commander Shepard, I'm here to help you with your little geth problem, and oh by the way I'm your daughter's girlfriend." I can just imagine father's reaction to being told that his baby girl had fallen in love with a human, and a woman. He would have been furious, though of course he wouldn't have been able to do much about it. I wouldn't have let him. Keelah I miss her..._

* * *

_Today wasn't horrible. I managed to make it through breakfast without thinking about her... Kal'Reegar noticed though. He saw the moment I thought of her. I never would have expected him to be so supportive, but he has been. I think he knows that I'm hurting, and yet he never asks questions, he's just there for me. He has always been there for me. I think father actually hopes that Kal and I will be bonded, and I can't say I blame him. Kal is what he would call a perfect son, always polite, sticks to protocol, follows orders... not like the daughter he has. Kal knows the truth though, and he doesn't judge me for it. I couldn't ask for more, especially since I don't want to move on. I don't want to let go._

_I still feel like letting go is like forgetting her. I feel like if I let go, she'll stop existing somehow. And... even after a year and a half, I still... love her. I'm pretty sure now that I always will, and I'll end up like Auntie Raan, pining after a memory and helping raise someone else's child. I understand her better now, understand why she was always so careful not to mention her bondmate. It's because if she had, she'd have broken all over again, and she'd have cried without being able to stop for... a long time. It's the same for me with Vicky. I can't stop thinking about her, and I can't let her go. If I let her go, I won't have the pain, but if I let her go I lose myself and everything that I am because of her. I can't do that to her memory, or to me. She still means everything to me. I think the human saying is 'she means the world to me.' I never understood that until I lost her and the ground dropped from under my feet._

_Someday I think I'll see her face in everything, and then I'll just... curl up and join her. I'm pretty sure that when she's everywhere, it'll be time for me to go because I'll have done everything I'm meant to do and she's calling me to a new home._

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Tali and her squad land on the planet where the distress beacon came from, in the middle of a human settlement called Freedom's Progress. This is honestly the last thing she wants to be doing right now, but what the Admiralty Board says is what goes. She's on this godforsaken little dustball because the lead marine, Prazza, is an incompetent and hot-headed bosh'tet who has failed his last three extraction missions. According to the mission reports, he always leads his squad into a frontal assault that results with dead enemies and dead hostages. This time, the admirals had had enough and sent her to try and keep him in check. He wasn't happy about it, to say the least, but he was listening to her so far.

Their mission is to grab a kid on pilgrimage, Veetor'Nara. She knows him, a bit anyway, and knows that he's a little unstable but a gentle and good kid. Honestly, he doesn't deserve Prazza, but Kal and his squad were on another mission and this one seems fairly simple. Freedom's Progress went silent about four days ago, and the admirals want to know why. Since Veetor is here, the recon mission has the secondary objective of retrieving him, hence Tali's presence. Really, this is all just a formality to satisfy Admiral Shala'Raan, since she is worried about her niece.

"Prazza, don't do anything stupid. Just find out if Veetor is here, then let's figure out what went wrong." Tali directs the marines towards the prefabs in front of them, telling them to search them all. This place seems too quiet... until the security mechs start activating all around them with weapons systems active. The immediate area becomes a battlezone for several tense minutes, and once the last mech falls inactive again, she turns and angrily accuses Prazza of setting them off. "What the hell did you do? I thought you were a quarian not some blundering nathak! How you made it to marine I will never know... don't touch anything." She turns to another quarian and says, "Find a security terminal in one of these buildings, I want you to figure out how the mechs triggered and how to avoid doing it again. And then see if you can isolate the control center for them, there should be surveillance feeds in whichever building that is, maybe we can see what happened here. We might even find Veetor that way."

She and the others take hold of their wounded and lift them up to carry them into the nearest shelter. Not even two minutes pass before they hear gunfire again, but... something is different about it. She can tell that it isn't her people, it's too far away and the time between shots is too long, but... Unbidden, a memory of Victory surfaces in her mind. _'That's about how long the time between the shots of her sniper rifle was. Keelah... I was doing so well today, I hadn't thought about her at all. I was so focused...'_ She sniffs softly and rubs her helmet, emulating the human way of expressing upset. There is a moment's silence, then the door to their safe haven opens.

Prazza and his marines have their weapons up immediately, and when she turns she can see why. The woman that just walked in is wearing a uniform with a symbol that every quarian can now recognize, and that every quarian hates. The black and gold insignia on her breast is the symbol of Cerberus, an organization that Tali is all too familiar with from her mission with Shepard, and the attack that they perpetrated against the Migrant Fleet a year ago. The dark skinned man that follows her in also bears the mark, and she can hear the others hiss in anger. Then the bombshell drops on her.

A third human walks through the door, a woman with terrible scarring on her face. Her armor is gray, heavy, and mercifully free of the Cerberus insignia, but something else about her catches Tali's eye first. She is carrying a dreadfully familiar rifle in her hands. She remembers that rifle as intimately as the woman who carried it, remembers the way it would thunder from just a few feet away. She remembers the pressure wave that thrilled and excited her every time it was fired. Her eyes slowly lift up the woman's body, and she mewls a little when she gets to the neckline of the armor. The skin of the woman is the exact same shade Vicky's had been. She even has scars on her neck that look...

_'Wait. Those don't _look_ like Vicky's scars, those _are_ Vicky's scars. I-I remember every last one of those scars! I kissed them all, I... oh Keelah, how could they be this cruel?' _Unable to stop herself, afraid of what she'll see, Tali looks up at the woman's face. The eyes that stare back at her are a stormy steel gray. The hair on her head is cut just the way she remembers, just long enough to curl in that adorable way she always loved so much. More than the color of her skin though, more than the shade of her eyes or the scars that lace her neck, or the expanse of her cheek that still bears the terrible scar diminished though it is, it's the way the woman is looking at her that nearly stops her heart. That woman is looking at her like she is the only piece of land in the middle of an endless sea, the last hope of salvation for someone on the verge of drowning. The look on her face is one of longing, of love, of doubt, and... of joy. It's a look she will never forget, because she has remembered it every day for the last two years.

"Shepard? V-vicky?"


	11. Lazarus Rising

**A/N:** Wow, so now I know sorta what one of my favorited authors felt like a couple years ago. Thanks for the time you've spent on reading this guys, it's awesome to have people actually watching what I'm writing.

I wanted to apologize if the end of the last chapter was a little choppy, it was 3 AM and I needed to finish and then sleep. I was trying to make it so that I could show time passing in her logs, not sure how well I managed that, but the hardest part was to not just rush through Freedom's Progress and be all "Blagh, we're on planet, holy shit shepard's here too omg." I'm fairly proud of the job I did describing things though.

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_Late 2183_

A woman with shoulder-length black hair stands at the far edge of the room, staring out into a space dominated by a red star, its surface swirling in endless patterns. She seems troubled, her smooth features creased with doubt and worry, her dark eyes reflecting back at her and showing the trepidation that seethes within her mind. When she speaks, her commanding voice carries an accent from Earth strong enough that a hundred years ago, someone might have thought she came from Australia. "Shepard has done more for humanity than we ever could have hoped. She stopped Saren, destroyed Sovereign, and even saved the Council. And yet..." She turns to face the only other occupant of the room, a middle-aged man with silver eyes that unnerve her, though she'd never tell _him_ that. "It isn't enough. They're sending her to fight geth. Geth! We both know they're not the real threat, but the Council won't listen. We can't see what's coming, and with her blind on this mission, humanity might lose her, along with whatever hope she's managed to give us."

The strange-eyed man takes a drag on the cigarette in his hand, his own face blank of worry. In point of fact, the woman has never known him to show any emotion at all, just one more thing about him that unsettles her. After another moment of pause, he speaks, "Then we'll just have to make sure we don't lose her." Her face incredulous, the woman thinks to herself, _'Just like that? Don't lose her is all he can say?'_ Turning back to the star beyond the clear wall, she muses aloud, "They won't ever listen to us, or help us. Cerberus is hated all over the galaxy for the lengths we've gone to while trying to find a way to help humanity advance. But Shepard... They'd follow her, she's a hero. A bloody icon." A new conviction steels her perfect face. "If she dies, will you give us the resources we need to... resurrect her? That might be the only way to ensure the galaxy's survival, and with it, our race." She doesn't see the grin on his face, but after another puff of his cigarette, she can hear it. "Yes, I think you might be right. Miranda, in the event of Shepard's death, you are to lead a team of scientists and engineers to bring her back. Gather your people and prepare for that possibility under the heading of Project Lazarus."

"Yes sir."

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"Four days in the Terminus Systems and we haven't found a sign of the geth anywhere! I'm beginning to think we never will." grouses a balding old man with a datapad in his hand.

The pilot of the ship grins, used to the man and his constant complaining. "Three ships have gone missing in this quadrant in the last month, something happened to them. Come on Pressley, it's not all that bad. At least the Commander still has a job to do." Pressley can't help but grin a little at that, remembering Shepard's reaction to being informed that she was to be sent into the Terminus Systems to hunt down the geth that managed to escape the battle... and she'd be doing it without her alien team members. Wrex had wanted to go back to Tuchanka, something about unifying the clans, though last anyone on the Normandy heard he was having some difficulty getting off the Citadel because he was a krogan. Garrus, her best friend, had grinned when she asked him to come anyway, but told her that he needed to do something to help her in another way and wanted to go into Spectre training. Even Tali had said she needed to get off the ship for a bit, though Shepard understood that one at least a little. The quarian needed to finish her pilgrimage.

"Yeah, I know what you mean Joker. Still, my money's on slavers. This system is crawling with them, everyone knows that." Just then, the navigator to his left called out, "There's something on the long range scanners. I don't know what it is, it doesn't match any known signatures. Maybe a new geth vessel?" Joker leaned forward in his seat, an itching at the back of his neck telling him something was off. When he saw the ship come around the planet ahead of them, he knew why. The thing was massive, large enough that he could get a good silhouette even as far off as it was. It looked like something cobbled together with spikes and beehives, and it had to have an Eezo core the size of the Normandy.

"It's not the geth." he mumbles to himself. Then he bellows into the CIC, "Initiate evasive maneuvers! Enemies off the port bow, initiate evasive maneuvers!" He jerks the steering controls back and to the right, forcing as tight a turn as he can manage without shearing the ship in half. Because he isn't paying attention, Joker doesn't see the lance of energy sweep through space until it's close enough to make contact. By then, it's too late and it causes the whole ship to tremble. Pressley is knocked off his feet and into the edge of the starboard console, his neck giving a sickening crack as he falls to the floor. The navigator cries out and tries to stand to check on him, but another blast hits and causes her own console to explode from the overload and she is pierced by several long shards of glass. She can only grunt as she slides down to lie with Pressley and bleed out on the floor. Joker hits comms and yells out over the whole ship, "Emergency, the Normandy is under attack! Everyone abandon ship, we'll be scrap in a minute if this keeps up!"

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_'Gods be damned... I knew this mission was a bad idea, I could just feel it. Tali... my love, I'm sorry. I don't think I'm coming home this time.'_ Shepard takes a deep breath, clamping down on her fear as Kaidan runs up behind her and her ship is hit once again. The sentinel calls out, "Shepard, everyone is going to the life pods, but Joker refuses to leave. I'm not going either, not without you. Do you think the Alliance will get here in time?" She sighs and tugs on her helmet, putting her quarian lover out of her mind for what may be the last time. "They damn well better Kaidan. After everything I've done for them, after everything that everyone on this ship has done, they fucking _better_ come. We can only hope that our S.O.S. reaches them before we're all dead." She turns to him and glares, though she knows he can't see it through the visor of her helmet. "Now go, save everyone you can. That's what you do, isn't it Pompadour?" He braces himself from another shock and starts to protest, "No, not without you. Shepard, I'm not leaving without the woman I-"

She'd known this was coming, she'd even expected it long before now. She had been prepared to let him down gently, though she'd hoped that seeing her with Tali would have given him at least a clue as to how little she wanted to hear this. And yet, he still hadn't figured it out, and he was going to tell her that he loved her now? Now, of all times, when her ship is going down in flames? She doesn't have time for this. "Kaidan, I gave you a fucking order, now be a good little marine and follow it! I'll haul Joker's crippled ass out of here, so save your stupid confession for some woman who actually bloody wants it and go!" She grabs the collar of his armor and damn near throws him towards the last of the pods on the crew deck before charging for the stairs leading up to the CIC.

Once the doors open, she takes an involuntary breath. Most of the hull over her head is gone, an a few bodies float in front of her. She trudges forward, her steps slow as she waits for the magnetics in her boots to grip before trying to take another step. She can see Joker frantically attempting to salvage something, anything he can, to try and get what's left of the Normandy moving again. Each step seems to take an eternity, but eventually she makes it into the tiny bubble of environment in the cockpit. "Joker come on! We have to get out of here now!" He argues with her, anxiety in his voice, "I'm not leaving the Normandy!"

_'Oh son of a... I don't have time for this!'_ She grabs his arm and shakes him, bellowing at him, "I said move! We gotta go or we're both dead, now come on!" He still argues, "No, I can save her! I just have to- Oh no..." He checks the sensors, then turns to her and says, "They're coming around for another attack." Deciding that they have stalled enough, she lifts him out of the seat, ignoring his pained protest to drag him to the last escape pod. She tries to climb in with him, but the attack comes too soon and she is knocked away as gravity fails. She grips the panel to launch the pod as she floats past, takes one last look at her pilot, and hits the button. _'I've done all I can. Goodbye... I'll wait for you, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. I lo-'_ Her final thoughts turn to screams as she is enveloped in the blast of her drive core detonating.

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_Somehow, I thought dying would be more... I don't know, peaceful, or painful, or something. Just more deathy, I guess. At first it hurt, but what do you expect? My ship was exploding, and I was still in it. I know I was thinking about... something, but I can't really remember right now. That bothers me. Not that I can't remember, but that I'm remembering that there is something I can't remember. Is this what death is, remembering and sorrow? I always thought that death meant no more anything, no memories or sadness or... anything at all. Or at the very least, I'd thought that dying would mean waking up in a field with my gods around me as I waited to be joined by the people I loved. I know there weren't many of those._

_Yet here I am, alone and in the dark. And remembering that there is something I can't remember. This existence bothers me, I don't like it. I wish she was here... but I don't know who 'she' is. I know I love her though. Loved her. Whatever. Dying sucks, and it's fucking hard to understand. I didn't even get the 'life flashing before your eyes' thing that people say happens when you go, though I guess in my case that's kind of a blessing. I do remember my life. It wasn't great, so I'm glad I didn't have to live it all over again. I guess this is kind of like sleeping and dreaming... I can still sometimes feel something or hear a piece of a conversation, though the words don't make sense. In the way of dreams though, time seems to not work right._

_There's this voice that I hear sometimes that reminds me of home, though I don't know why. Maybe it's that it's a woman's voice, and I liked women when I was alive. It is a nice voice, and warm when she talks about me. I know she does, though why talking about me would make anyone pleased I'm not sure. Or maybe it's the way she sounds. There is an inflection that reminds me of... what was my planet called...? Oh yeah, it reminds me of Earth. Not of the place I lived when I was there, but of the places I never got to see that I heard about in stories. Grand open spaces, vast greenlands broken by jagged rocks and twisting streams and roaring rivers and all the glorious sights I didn't see. Those images make me happy, though I'm still not sure why I can even feel happy when I'm dead._

_There are other voices too, several women and some men. None of those make me feel the way the Pretty Woman does, so maybe it does have something to do with the way she speaks after all. I see her as pretty, though I don't really know since I never get to see her. That is something that makes me sad, being unable to see the people that I hear. I wonder what some of them look like. There's this one man that I hear sometimes, and I don't like him. He sounds wrong, angry all the time and more angry when I hear him with the Pretty Woman. He seems to resent her, though I can't fathom why. If she's as pretty as she sounds, I'd be drooling over her no matter what my life was like. Wait... that doesn't sound like me. I... I remember that I wasn't a nice person. I wouldn't have drooled over a pretty woman, I even hated some pretty women. Hmmm... maybe she just sounds too... homey. I can't really feel like I'd ever be able to hate her, and I'm not sure why._

_I feel things too, like I said. Not nice things, but I still feel them. I usually feel this burning sensation, but lately I've been feeling this horrible ache about where I imagine my heart used to be. There's this buzzing feeling too, rippling throughout whatever I've become, and I can't help calling it a shock. It just seems to be a current of some kind, though why or how I'm being affected by a current I have no clue. Still, all the pain is starting to be less noticable, kind of like I'm healing. If that means that eventually I won't feel pain and I can get to feeling good things, then I don't have an issue with that. It's even easier to not feel pain when the Pretty Woman is talking, though I've also noticed that I hurt more when the Angry Man is the one talking. I'm starting to hate that man._

_The pain is reminding me of things though, faces of people I knew. Every time I feel a burn, it reminds me of this very pretty girl I'd met. She had scars on her face, and I know she was important to me. Sometimes I can even remember she was named Melanie, but that memory brings others with it, memories of her dying. That makes me think of the things I did that made people fear me while I was alive, the things that led to me feeling that burning across what I think was my face. There's another feeling, that ache in my 'chest', that reminds me of a man. He looks like he's about twenty years older than me, and he's got dark skin and darker eyes. He makes me feel safe, like he'd protect me from harm if he could. His name was Anderson, David Anderson, and I think he was my dad... kind of? Not my real dad, that doesn't seem right, but like a dad to me. That buzzing feeling, it doesn't hurt. It just confuses me, and that in itself reminds me of someone else. There is this image I have sometimes, a dark purple visor with a faint glow behind it, just two points of life. Then the person wearing that visor takes it off and there is beautiful woman behind it. She's got long dark hair that falls in gentle waves, and I just want to run my hands through it. I've tried, but I can't move and then I remember that I'm dead. Her skin is just captivating, a light lavender almost, with darker markings that lead my eyes over her throat, down into her suit and along her jaw. Another set higher up seems to lead out of her hair down to the most breathtaking pair of violet eyes, and the way she looks at me... I feel a longing to be with her. Maybe she's the 'her' I can't remember? I feel like she might be, and I should remember her... Tali! Her name was Tali, and... gods... I loved her. I really loved her, and I wish..._

"Something's happening, Miranda. She's showing an awareness of outside stimuli, her vitals are rising. I think she's waking up!" says the Angry Man. I hear the Pretty Woman curse at him. "Dammit Wilson, I told you your calculations were wrong! Give her another dose of the sedative, she's not ready yet. If she wakes up now, we could lose her for good this time." The Angry Man, apparently named Wilson, swears back and throws a couple other curses in for good measure. The Pretty Woman who is named Miranda just sneers at him as she takes my hand. I can see her for a moment, and she's every bit as beautiful as she sounds. "Just lie back Shepard, rest. I promise it's almost over." Then she looks at Angry Wilson and says, "Run the numbers again, I'm not about to fail so close to the end." Everything fades to black again, and the last thing I see is her smiling at me.

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"Wake up Shepard! _Wake up!_" Vicky's eyes flutter open, shutting quickly against the lights that stab into her eyes. Her head is pounding and she can't help but wonder if somehow there is a krogan in there throwing her brain against her skull. She knows the thought is silly, but... "Get up Shepard! I don't have time to explain, but this facility is under attack and I believe they are after you!" She can recognize the voice, though how a woman from a dream she shouldn't have been dreaming could possibly be real she doesn't know. _'Wasn't I... dead? How am I here?'_ As she sits up, a stabbing pain in her side, she can hear explosions and gunshots in the distance. Her head is still muzzy, like she's been heavily sedated for a long time and is only now free of the drugs. That feeling is driving her mad, making her feel vulnerable, and that's a feeling she hates more than just about any other.

The woman speaks again, the intercom crackling a little, "There's a gun and armor in the locker, get suited up. Quickly, we don't have a lot of time." There is a wash of affection for the voice, then irritation following just behind because of the orders she's being given. Still, if the facility she's in is under attack, a weapon and some armor are just what the doctor ordered. Vicky opens the locker in the corner of the room to find a new set of slate gray armor, emblazened with the N7 logo. _'Did the Alliance somehow manage to save me?'_ The pistol is a model she's familiar with as well, the M-3 Predator. Not her favorite, but it'll do... though it needs a thermal clip first. On impulse, she calls out, "This gun is running on empty, don't suppose you have a clip somewhere too?" The voice answers her, sounding a little amused. "No, not in the lab anyway. Take cover by the door, I'm going to overload the lock panel."

She jogs behind an overturned desk and crouches down, waiting for a signal that she isn't sure she'll recognize until the wall explodes and the door slides open with a whine. _'Well so much for subtlety. I guess she thinks like I do too. I might like this woman.'_ Then she hears the woman say, "There's a clip in the next room, load your pistol with that. I think whoever is behind this attack is trying to kill _you_ Shepard." She grins to herself and thinks '_I could definitely like this woman.'_ Following the same impulse that led her to speak aloud before, she calls again as she loads the clip and activates the pistol, "Your name isn't Miranda by any chance is it?" There is genuine surprise in the voice on the intercom, but she confirms it. Vicky just grins and pats herself on the back before thanking the woman who has apparently saved her life again.

She sees another clip discarded on the ground ahead of her, but when she goes to grab it a security mech starts taking shots at her. Reflexes take over and she throws the first power that comes to mind... or tries to. Her overload doesn't fire, but _something_ happens. The mech stops firing, and when she looks at her hand she doesn't see anything at all. _'What the fuck?!'_ Still, an opportunity is an opportunity, and she sights in on the head of her target and pulls the trigger, her shot wrecking the chassis and causing the robot's body to topple over lifeless as she flickers back into view. "Miranda, what the hell just happened?"

There is worry in the voice of her savior, almost like she's unsure of what the Commander is going to do with the news she's about to receive. "You engaged your tactical cloak, Commander. Your... incident with the destruction of your ship caused irreparable damage to the neural interface you had with the omnitool you used at the time, as well as extensive damage to you. When we brought you in to heal you, we had to fix what we could. We also upgraded the neural map that you had installed earlier in your career and gave you a new omnitool, but the fact that it was a different tech setup changed what you can do." Sometime while Miranda was talking, Vicky had started moving again, taking out the mechs that she ran across while also learning very quickly to enjoy her new power.

"You are no longer able to use the overload you are used to, but you can add a disruptor effect to your weapons to achieve the same effect with every shot, though admittedly a little weaker. However, since every shot uses it, the effect is cumulative and far more devastating for you, and each shot will also serve to overheat weapons. You have the ability to hit an enemy with some incineration tech, though I didn't get to finish the neural relay for that power before this mess started. The same goes with the cryogenics that you can put into the weapon systems of your guns as well. I believe you can actually use the hacking tech we gave you though, so give it a try on your next opponent."

Vicky is stunned to hear how many changes she's going to have to get used to. No overload, no sabotage, though both could sort of be done with the same... what, ammo power? And then the fact that she can even use them without having to buy them. A cryo ammo ability as well, though it sounds like she'll need some work on her neural map for that and the incineration tech Miranda had mentioned. But still... the ability to hack synthetics could be... useful. She opens the next door and wanders into the hallway only to find that her way down is on an exposed service elevator, and there are several mechs just then coming through the lower door. On the ground in front of her, there is a rather large, clunky looking gun that just about has to be better for taking the damn things out than her weak little sidearm. She grabs it and runs to the edge of the balcony, pulling the trigger and lobbing what seems to be a homing grenade. _'What the hell? What happened to simple weapons and when did they start making grenade launchers like this?'_ She puts the thought out of her mind when the round gets results though, focusing in once more on getting the hell out of here.

Miranda speaks up once again, telling her to keep moving forward and she'll try to meet up with her, then the coms cut off with the sound of shots fired. This woman being the closest thing Vicky has to a friend right now, she is suddenly very worried for her and starts to sprint through the corridors trying to find... something, a way out, a control room, anything. Through another door, she meets the first human she's seen since she woke up, a fit man with skin darker than hers. When he sees her, he stumbles back a little bit in surprise. "Shepard? What are you doing here, I didn't think you were ready yet!" He shakes his head before she can speak up and says, "Nevermind. Look, I know you just woke up so let's cut the chatter. I'll answer any questions you have later, but right now there are mechs pouring in across the way. I'm a biotic," he says with some pride, "so just let me know when to hit them with the good stuff." Her only thought on the matter is _'Great, another Kaidan.'_

She smiles a little, says, "Go ahead bug guy, show me what you can do." He stands and reaches out his hand, yanking one of the robots into the air, a smug smile on his face as he shoots it and turns back to see the look on her face, only to find that she's not there. Then three shots ring out in quick succession, and she flickers back into being right where she had been, but three mechs are twitching on the ground. Vicky is grinning, the look on her face the same one she used to get when Wrex would challenge her to see who could kill more geth. All the man can say is, "Damn. I see why they wanted you. Okay, I said I'd answer questions, so fire away."

"Who are you?"

"Name's Jacob Taylor."

"Where are we?"

"You're on a top-secret facility out in Terminus Space. This is the home of Project Lazarus. My guess is that was you."

"Where's the rest of my crew, are they here?"

"No Shepard, they're not. After your ship was destroyed, they went their own ways, some back to the Alliance and some back to civilian lives or the lives they had before you. All those that survived, anyway."

"I want to find them."

"You'll have to ask the boss about that, I don't know anything."

"Okay, fine. How long was I out."

"Just about two years."

"T- wha- TWO YEARS?! What the fuck happened?!"

"You died, Shepard. Or damn near died anyway. I saw you when you came in, anywhere else and they'd have just put you on a slab. Not Miranda though, she was determined to save you. The injuries you sustained? It's a miracle that you're alive now, and that's only because of all the tech and cutting edge procedures she was willing to use."

Vicky is too stunned to do anything for a moment, then thinks to herself, _'I owe that woman my life, more than I realized.' _Coming back to herself, she just nods and says, "Let's get going." They stand, and Jacob answers a distress call on his omnitool. She recognizes the voice, and when Jacob mentions the name Wilson, she nods again absently. She was right. She grabs as many thermal clips as she can from the locker on the wall and starts jogging through the halls again, Jacob at her heels. She's only going through the motions, even when she grabs the medigel that Wilson needs and patches him up. Even when Wilson blows some barrels in front of them to destroy the mechs that had found them, it's just her and her thoughts until...

"Wait Shepard. Things are getting messy. If I tell you who we're working for, will you trust me?" She can only nod vaguely, staring through him and rubbing the scars on her face. She can feel the catch of the new ones on her gloves. "We work for an organization called Cerberus..." Jacob didn't make it any further, because that name makes her eyes light up and she grabs him by the throat, her gun pointed at Wilson to keep him from making a move. Distantly, she notices that her grip is a lot stronger than it used to be, but right then she has a more important point on her mind. "You work for Cerberus? Do you know what I do to your kind? Or what they did to the Alliance and anyone else that stood in their way? They experimented on innocent people, they killed Admiral Kahoku of the Fifth Fleet, and they tried to kill me many times. And you work for them? Maybe you remember that research base out in the Hades Gamma cluster... the way a Spectre went in and killed everyone there. Executed them like the rabid dogs that they were. That Spectre was me, Jacob. So give me one reason, just _one reason_ why I shouldn't kill you and Wilson right now and find my own way out of here."

Wilson blanches in fear and tries to run, and without thinking she rolls her hips and throws Jacob at him, knocking them both over. Jacob coughs and holds up his hands, croaking from the floor, "Wait! They've changed, at least a little, and someone is abducting our people! Humans I mean, someone is taking them and Cerberus is the only organization trying to do anything about it!" That cools her fire just a bit, enough to keep from killing him. She stares at him for a moment, angry that she actually owes them her life but realizing that this means Miranda is one of them too, and she actually feels a bit of kinship with the woman from her dreams. "Fine, but your boss has a lot to answer for." She drops her hand to help him stand, staring at Wilson and pointedly not offering to help him up. No matter what, anyone that Miranda was angry at, even in her dreams, would not be someone that Vicky would help. Then she jogs on again, glad to hear from Jacob that they are almost out. The last few mechs drop before them and she grins as she holsters her pistol. Wilson, for all that he does actually seem like an idiot, is eager to help her get off the station. There is something about him though... Something about him nags at the back of her mind, something about where he was when they found him and the things he said about trying to get to control. Jacob seemed to think that Wilson didn't have that kind of clearance.

The door opens, and standing before them is the very woman she had hoped to find some time ago. Miranda sees her and flashes a grin before raising her gun and shooting Wilson as he sputters, "Miranda?! But you should be..." His corpse drops to the ground, a hole large enough to stick her finger into running out both sides of his neck. She queries the dead man with a single word, though it takes a moment for Vicky to realize that the "Dead?" wasn't a comment on his condition but Miranda finishing his intended sentence. Jacob runs up and cries out, "Miri, what the hell are you doing?" She doesn't blink, just looks at him and says, "My job. Wilson betrayed us, so I just took out the garbage." Vicky almost laughs at that and rubs her neck when she speaks. "I was starting to get a feeling he was just waiting to stab me in the back."

Miranda smiles at her again, praising her good instincts. When she tries to get them to leave though, Vicky calls her out on her employment with Cerberus. "Oh Jacob... I should have known you'd be feeling guilty and tell her before I could find a way to do it without anyone getting hurt. Looks like you survived at least..." Shepard raises an eyebrow at that. "You knew I wouldn't take the news well? Looks like you've got some good instincts yourself. Let me just say that the only reason he's alive is because he says Cerberus has changed, which means he wasn't a part of the things that they were doing two years ago and hasn't seen them. The reason you will remain unharmed is simpler. You saved my life, and then saved it again when you woke me up. I owe you, and your voice filtered into my mind while you were working on me I think. I knew who you were because of that. I can't help but feel... some kind of kinship with you." Miranda stares at her, her mouth hanging open in shock at how frank the Commander was being, as well as the admission that bits and pieces of the last two years had made it into the Commander's mind.

Vicky steps forward and hugs her for a moment, the action feeling wrong but necessary, then shoves her forward into the shuttle with Jacob following. "I don't hug, so enjoy that. Probably the last one you're going to get." growls the dark-skinned woman, though she's having to work to hide a smile. Jacob closes the door and engages the automatic piloting VI, setting the launch coordinates for a point somewhere above the planet's surface. Miranda struggles to return to her usual efficiency, still stunned by the admission that Shepard had made and the uncharacteristic action that followed. "Y-yes, umm... There are some tests I need to run, mostly memory retention questions just to make sure that nothing was lost. Jacob, start with personal history."

The black man glares at Miranda, but does as she ordered and pulls up Vicky's file. "Okay, records show you grew up on Earth, no parents and only one foster home. You enlisted at eighteen with a recommendation from Captain David Anderson. 2178, you led your unit in an attack on the smuggler moon Torfan, resulting in over 75% casualties and a total massacre of the batarians there. Why?"

Her gray eyes cold as ice, Vicky whispers, "I did what I had to that day. A month before the attack on Elysium, they had hit a small team of scientist who were only surveying an uncharted world and killed them all, along with the marines that were protecting them. My girlfriend was on that planet. She was one of the ones trying to protect the scientists, and she was killed so brutally that they could only identify her by the omnitool I had made for her. Torfan was vengeance, a blood price exacted for the death of the woman who was everything to me at the time."

Jacob's voice quivers, fear of this tiny woman gripping him. "Satisfied, Miranda?" The woman however, seems impressed and almost... reverent yet still says, "Almost. Try something a little more recent." Jacob shakes his head and pulls up her file again. "Reports on Virmire say that you destroyed the cloning facility there. Because of Saren and Sovereign, you had to leave one of your squad to die in the blast. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams." Vicky doesn't let him get any further, her hissed reply cutting him off. "I did the _only_ thing I could. She knew the risks when she signed up, and getting the salarians out was more important to both of us than getting her out. She died a hero, giving us the time we needed to get out alive and making sure that the fucking nuke would go off and wipe out the pathetic fucking excuses for krogan that the turian bastard was trying to breed as his army. You Cerberus cunts may think that I was wrong, but you can all go fuck yourselves if you dare disrespect her memory."

Miranda places a calming hand on Vicky's arm, her voice soft and full of pride in Vicky. "No one is questioning your decision. We all agree that the facility had to go up, and I for one do respect the sacrifice you and Williams made that day. I read your personal report of that mission, I know how much it affected you. I'm sorry Shepard, but I have one last question. I think the Illusive Man will just have to accept our little field test for your skills, but I need to know one more thing. When you saved the Council, humanity was given a seat. Your nomination carried a lot of weight, enough to get the man nominated instated actually. Who was it?" Vicky looks into her eyes, as if she is searching for something, then whispers softly, "David Anderson. I nominated Anderson because I wanted to thank the man who had been a father to me when I'd never had one." At that, Miranda smiles a wide and bright grin, relief evident on her face. Vicky asked her why, and she simply said, "Because you really did come back the same. You are the woman who destroyed Sovereign and stopped Saren. You really are Commander Victory Shepard. Welcome back to the fight, Commander."

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Vicky stares at the two operatives in front of her, trying to take the measure of them but somehow not managing it. Jacob is easy, he believes that he's working for the good guys, that Cerberus has really changed. He doesn't see the worse side, he doesn't see the experiments and the projects and the ops that are going on just out of sight. He doesn't see that nothing has really changed, the Illusive Man is just getting better at hiding things. In essence, Jacob is a good man, just misguided. Victory hates misguided good men, they tend to get people killed.

Miranda is much more difficult, and that's the real problem. The woman is obviously intelligent, and she knows the truth of the organization she works for, and yet she seems to be loyal to the Illusive Man. There is some history there, something that makes her want to work for Cerberus and force herself to either not see or rationalize the way they do things. The Commander has watched her in each conversation, and any time the methods of Cerberus come up, Miranda looks away and gives some memorized response, as if she's trying to convince herself of something. As if she wants Cerberus to be better than it is, wants them to mean something and be something other than what they are, wants to believe that they really are working for the greater good. At the moment, she is staring out the window of the long-range shuttle, watching the starscape slide by as they descend towards a colony called Freedom's Progress that went silent a couple days before. Her face, that perfect and gorgeous face, is troubled, her thoughts consuming her and causing her mask of haughty indifference to slip away. She doesn't seem to be aware of anything around her, and when she whispers something to herself, it's all Shepard can do to catch it.

_'Now I triumph with infinite time? What the hell does that mean?' _She doesn't get a chance to ask though, her attention is stolen from the musing of what Miranda meant by the proximity sensors engaging the automatic landing protocols. Jacob asks her a question as they make their final descent, his posture showing the answer he very obviously expects to receive. She sighs, knowing that she's about to disappoint him and not caring at all because of who she is, who she will always be. "Do whatever you have to for the sake of the mission. I'm not saying that we shouldn't try to save survivors if there are any, but if trying to save them puts the mission in jeopardy, don't. Just because we save a few now does not help us if we fail to save more later. The mission is the most important thing, nothing else matters." She almost grins to see the look on his face fall and disappear. Almost.

She can feel the bump of the landing, her mind focusing in on her objective and her heart dropping into the rhythm of the mission. She steps out as soon as the doors hiss and flip open, her Kawashi visor feeding her information by the second. She had been so... happy when the Illusive Man had ordered Miranda to give her a key to a weapons locker on the station they started from. When she had used it, she found that he had somehow managed to gather up the weapons she used two years ago, or at least very good replicas of them. As she hears the others step out of the shuttle behind her, she pulls the heavy black sniper rifle off her back, it's familiar weight comforting in her arms. She takes a breath, nervous about using her newfound ammo abilities, and fires up the omnitool they gave her, activating the disruption. She watches as the driver systems light up blue, a flickering hologram of a bullet surrounded by static hovering just above the chassis of the gun. _'Well that was easy. I like it... now to tinker with it when I get a chance, make it stronger.'_

"Come on, let's move it! I don't see anything here, so the real evidence must be farther into the compound." Vicky strikes off towards the door leading away from the landing pad, not really listening to their footsteps behind her. There is something about this place that seems... eerie to her. The quiet lays over everything and seems to have a will of its own, hushing even her booted steps. Inside the first building, there is a kitchenette with food still there, cold and starting to go bad. Mugs of coffee sit around tables strewn with papers and datapads, looking for all the world as though the owners of them simply stepped out and would be back any minute. Jacob echoes her thoughts when he mutters, "It looks like they just got up and left."

The squad worked through several empty buildings, finding nothing more than more empty and half full cups of coffee, books tossed about, and no sign at all of what happened here. They entered a large open courtyard and for the first time found evidence that something was actually wrong. The blast door was raised and locked, and though there was no sign that anyone had passed this way since, it seemed to have been done as a security measure. Vicky signals the others to take positions by the door, opens the lock, and raises her cloak. When a mech stands from where it had been waiting, she knows that she made the right choice and raises her rifle to blow its head apart. Pulling the bolt to ready the next shot, she aims for the second mech as she fades into view and pulls the trigger again. Miranda turns and throws an overload, the machine pistol in her hand spraying bullets into the robodog charging her. _'So she's a sentinel huh? Interesting.'_ Her warp hits one of the mechs above, and a blast from Jacob's shotgun destroys its internal drivers. Vicky takes out the last with another headshot, happy that she hasn't forgotten how to fire a rifle.

"Someone reprogrammed the mechs. Maybe there really are survivors here." she hears Miranda say. She laughs without humor and barks, "Doesn't matter, not unless saving them actually gets us information about what happened. Remember that not too many people like Cerberus, and while I may not work for the Illusive Man per se, I'm with two people who do." She urges them to keep moving, something like a sixth sense telling her that something big is near by. Another couple mechs rise when they move through the next building, then another locked door. Vicky hacks through again, letting Jacob through first more because he pushes by her than because she wants to. Miranda follows him with a squeeze on Vicky's shoulder and an apologetic look, and Vicky steps through the door herself. The sight that greets her threatens to knock her off her feet.

There is a squad of quarian marines there already, cleaning their guns and scanning for tech, likely trying to find the operations center. The lead marine steps forward, an angry epithet aimed at the three of them along with his rifle, cursing Cerberus for something that they had done. Jacob squirms, obviously unaware that anything had happened, and Miranda looks down in shame. She knew about it, but if Vicky reads her correctly, she was neither a part of it or approving of it. Shepard scoffs in disgust, shaking her head and looking forward once more just in time to see a quarian step forward who is different from the rest. She shoves the barrel of the rifle down and orders, "Gun down, Prazza." before she even looks at her, but she recognizes the voice. The suit she wears is the same purple she remembers, the eyes behind the mask glowing almost as brightly as they should. When the woman looks up again, she stumbles back with a gasp, her voice weak, "Shepard... V-vicky?"

In that moment, she is sure. This quarian, this woman trying to command marines when she obviously is not one, is Tali'Zorah. This woman is the quarian she fell so deeply in love with while chasing down Saren, and the only person in the galaxy that she would abandon her mission to be with again. "Tali... um, hi. Um... did that geth data I gave you help with your pilgrimage?" She feels the need to prove that it really is her, that she really is Commander Victory Shepard. To prove to the woman in front of her that she is the same, that she hasn't changed and never will. Her steel eyes melt when she looks at her and remembers the way she looks without the mask, and a blush rises on her cheeks.

Tali steps forward, her steps hesitant and jerky, and raises one hand to touch Vicky's face. "Keelah, I... I thought you were dead... Oh Vicky, I have mourned you for two years, and now to find you here..." She steps forward and places her mask against Vicky's forehead, her hands twisting her hair, and murmurs, "It is more than I ever could have hoped for. I trust you, and I love you. Oh keelah, how I love you. Just... promise me one thing, okay? When this is all over, explain to me what the hell you're doing with Cerberus so that I understand seeing them here." Shepard is almost weeping from joy when she answers, "Yes, I promise. Anything, Tali, anything at all I would give to make you feel better."

The peace and happiness of the moment is broken when the marine she had called Prazza shouts at them, "Why should we trust you Cerberus?" Tali almost growls, making Vicky grin just a little, and turns to him to smack him down again. "You will do as you are ordered, and I am ordering you to stand down. No matter what else is true in this moment, that is Commander Shepard and you owe her your life." He tilts his head quizzically to ask her why her old Commander was with Cerberus, and before Tali can speak Vicky does it for her. "Human colonies are vanishing, and someone needs to do something about it. They brought me back to handle it, and they are staying out of my way while I do that. I know why _I_ hate them, so what did they do that you do too?" Tali answers her softly, venom and hatred for the human-centric group heavy on her lips, "They attacked the fleet. Planted several bombs on our liveships, killing almost three hundred innocents without provocation." Miranda tries to say something, anything, to defend them but can't find the words to make it all okay, to make it better. Jacob stares at the ground with a look on his face as if he's in pain, and given his blind faith in the Illusive Man, he probably is. Vicky doesn't care. _'I need to do something about them as soon as this assignment is over. I will make them pay for this.'_

She steps up and asks the next question on her mind. "Okay, so what are you doing here?" After a moment's hesitation, Prazza speaks again, "There is a young man here, a quarian on pilgrimage. He has some problems, so he came to this tiny little conclave. That shows just how deluded he is, thinking that humans would protect him. We're here to find him, and we don't need your help Cerberus. You'll get in the way, or worse, you'll kill him just like you did all those other innocent people." Shepard simply stares at him, the look that everyone associated with the title Butcher of Torfan. Then, very slowly so that even an idiot like him can understand, she says, "I am not Cerberus. I hate them all, and the only reason I'm here at their request is because I need someone to back me up while I investigate what's happening to my people." She then turns to the two behind her and says simply, "After they have served their purpose, I'm taking anyone and anything that is of real use and either blowing them all to hell or leaving them for the Alliance to deal with."

Tali takes command of her people again and turns to Vicky. "We could use your help. Veetor is, hopefully, still here somewhere. If he is, we need to find him and get him back to the fleet where we can take care of him." The Commander nods and tells her that working together could help both their missions, and that she and her squad would take the direct route. She hopes that means that they will take the majority of the fire and leave the quarians with a clear path to wherever they are headed. Tali gives her directions to the port, the place she thinks likeliest to be well defended enough to allow Veetor to hide. The two women share one last embrace, then split up and head along their separate paths.

Once the quarians are gone, Miranda speaks with shame in her voice, "I don't know what to say. I... I'm trying to believe that there was a reason for it, but no matter how I look at it, I cannot find why three hundred dead quarians would help anything. I can't see why Cerberus attacked them. I... Shepard, I get the feeling that working with you is going to show me a side of the Illusive Man I've been trying not to see." She looks at Vicky, her beautiful eyes troubled again. The Commander simply shrugs and says in return, "When this is over, maybe you'll want to reevaluate your place in the galaxy. Keep in mind what I said." Then she focuses on the way in front of her, the two operatives working together better than she could have hoped and destroying the drones that harass them. Once the air is clear, Tali coms and tells her to hurry, that Prazza has taken his squad to try and get Veetor out before she can get there and has run into a heavy mech that is tearing them apart.

For all that he rubbed her the wrong way, Vicky swears and charges forward. She will protect his marines if she can, since they in turn are what is keeping Tali alive. With the woman she loves on her mind, she slides behind cover and signals Jacob and Miranda into flanking positions and waits for Tali to open the port gate. As the heavy door opens, she can see the marines dying. Desperate to protect Tali and sure that if they don't do something that she will be the next one to die, she sprints forward and flickers out of sight on the move, yelling for Miranda to put a dent in the shields of the robot. Vicky drops to one knee, takes a breath, and sights in on the head of the mech, her adrenaline slowing time to a crawl as she focuses and squeezes the trigger. She swears loudly when all she manages to do is take its shields down and has to dive for cover. "Miranda, warp the damn thing! Jacob, I hope you have something incendiary to burn the armor on that mech, I can't cloak again yet!" Her companions grin at her and stand in tandem, the biotic field around Miranda flashing through the air to impact on the mech and Jacob pulling out his shotgun, an orange hologram wrapping around it. He yells out as he fires three shots, each one leaving glowing impact points on the plating and weakening it further. Then Miranda nods at their target and shouts back, "Go!" Vicky stands and flickers away again, her scope lifting to her eye and her breath slowing again, her focus on one point. With another squeeze of the trigger, the mech's head shatters and it falls to its knees. They can hear it beeping as the power core overloads and they all duck behind something as it blows, the shockwave truly impressive.

In the aftermath, Tali steps out of hiding and shakes her head. "Stupid bosh'tet... Got almost his entire squad killed." Looking up, she nods at a building across the square and continues, "That's the control room over there. If there's anything to show what happened here, that's where it will be. Go while I patch up the few that are left."

Vicky nods in return and trudges forward, her squad following behind. Through the door, they find screens scrolling with information and one person still there. Except... "Veetor? Is your name Veetor?" The person who is obviously a quarian doesn't turn, just continues to mutter to himself. He seems insensate with fear, his mind almost completely broken. Vicky grumbles, "For fuck's sake, I don't have time for this." She draws the pistol that's been sitting on her hip and pulls the trigger, shattering a screen and startling the quarian out of his thoughts.

"You! You're human! How... how did you escape the swarms?" he asks when he turns to see who fired at him. The Commander just shrugs and puts her pistol back on her hip. "We weren't here, what happened?" He stands and shakes his head, reaching down as he does. "You weren't here. You didn't see. I did, though." The remaining screens show what appears to be security footage. The colonists are all in strange looking pods, pods carried by...

"Those look like Collectors, but what are they doing here?" Miranda queries no one in particular. Before Vicky can ask, Jacob tells her that the Collectors are a race that no one really knows anything about, usually seen out here in the Traverse trading for whatever they need. That they attacked a human colony suggests something else, perhaps even outside involvement. Veetor speaks up about then, saying that wherever the swarms they brought with them went, colonists would freeze in their steps. He ran and hid so they wouldn't find him, but he saw what they did to those who couldn't hide. He tells her that they loaded them onto their ship and left, and he'd stayed in here in case they came back. He also said that he had many readings of the swarms that were everywhere, seeming almost proud of himself. Miranda turns to her and says, "We should bring him back with us. We need that data, and I'm sure that the Illusive Man has some questions for him."

Before she even has time to react to that, Tali cries out from the doorway, "You can't do that! Veetor needs medical attention, he has to be returned to the Migrant Fleet to be cared for. I can give you his omnitool, but please, let us take him home." Vicky turns to her, her mind already made up about Veetor, and says, "Can you join us? Join me I mean, I... I miss you, I could really use you on my mission." Tali takes her hands and hangs her head, her voice heavy as she whispers, "I'm afraid I can't Vicky. I have my own mission now, I have responsibilities that I can't just abandon. No matter how much I want to just run away with you, I.. I can't."

Though she had expected something like that, it still hurts to hear. She keeps to her decision though and turns to Miranda. "Veetor goes with Tali, and we take his omnitool. I'm sure that the data he gathered will be more than helpful, and no one needs to be dragged all over the stars." Miranda nods, actually looking almost relieved with her orders, and Tali murmurs at her ear, "I'm glad you're still the one giving orders." The official duties of her assignment over, Shepard walks a short distance away hand in hand with the woman she loves. "I promised you I would explain as best I could when this was all over. Well, here's what I know and what I've been told. Two years ago, the Normandy was destroyed in an attack by an unknown vessel, and I did everything I could to save my crew. I did everything I could to be worthy of your love. I died, or came very close, or something. Somehow, Cerberus ended up with my body and for two years, they poured every resource they had into resurrecting me. Miranda, the woman over there, was project lead on what they called Project Lazarus. According to her, the damage I'd taken in the blast was bad enough that it... fried out a lot of the tech I had, and almost all of my neural interfaces. They had to completely redo all of them, and since they don't use the same tech as the Alliance, I don't have the same abilities anymore. Those I can access are useful, but I need to have Miranda work on my neural map to unlock the rest of my potential."

Taking a deep breath, she says the one thing she really doesn't like about this situation. "Basically, they saved my life. They brought me back, and they did it because there are colonies disappearing without a trace, and no one is doing anything about it. I... owe them a little. Just enough to keep me from blowing them to hell just yet. Though those two..." She looks at Miranda and Jacob, her face thoughtful. "The man is an idiot, but he thinks he's doing the right thing and he doesn't know about the less savory side of Cerberus. He used to be a Corsair, apparently Alliance spec ops, but joined Cerberus because they were going to take action when even his unit wouldn't. Miranda is more puzzling. She's smart, almost as smart as Liara was, and she knows what Cerberus is. It's like she tries to ignore what they're doing, like she wants to believe that in the end, everything is in the pursuit of the greater good. Since working to bring me back though, she's started to see the things she didn't want to, and she's questioning just how much of this is really a good thing." The thought that's been bothering her comes to the forefront of her mind and she murmurs, "I think the Illusive Man did something to gain her loyalty, and that's why she's tried so hard to find a way to justify what's been happening. Whatever it is though, it's not enough anymore because she's seeing what you and I have always seen. She's even started to look back at the things that we took care of when we were chasing Saren, and she's not happy about it. Maybe she can be saved from Cerberus."

* * *

Tali feels a stab of jealousy for a moment, but then she realizes that Victory only sees a woman who is lost, not the sultry seductress that she sees. To Vicky, this beautiful woman is something to fix, a good deed to do that might redeem her own soul just a little. Looking at it like that, she can't fault her for wanting to try. "If I ever get out of my duties, I'll try to join you. I lost you, and I hate that I have to leave you again when I've just gotten you back." She nuzzles Vicky's neck and gives her hand a squeeze, trying to convey how much she loves this woman through touch alone. She almost doesn't hear her whisper, "I know. I don't want you to go either, but... it's time. We both have to finish up here and go back." Vicky turns her head and lays a gentle kiss on her mask, leaving a faint imprint of her lips behind before she lets go and strides off, bellowing at the humans with her to wrap up whatever they're doing and get back to the shuttle. With one last look, Vicky blows another kiss to her and then she's gone, flickering out of view and leaving an empty hole behind in Tali's chest.

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**A/N:** Okay, so here's the deal. I wanted to change the way Vicky would see Miranda because I actually have a soft spot for her. In order to do that though, I needed to change the way Miranda herself acts, so instead of being cold and aloof she's going to be driven by her need to pay back TIM and constantly trying to not see the wrong things he's done. With Vicky there though, that's going to get a lot harder to do and she's going to be questioning Cerberus' actions a lot more.

The way Vicky sees Jacob is pretty much how I see him: An idiot with his heart in the right place. I don't particularly like him, I think he's two dimensional and needlessly prejudiced, but he's pretty much a good guy in the wrong place.

Then we come to this. This whole chapter is a lot of heavy reading, a lot of inner thoughts stuff. I also had to set up the way I want people to look at the first two squad members from this game, so I had to try and get that done without leading anyone around by the nose. I think the 'dreaming' sequence actually helped set up Victory's willingness to give Miranda a chance pretty well, especially considering that when I'm playing Mass Effect 2, I keep thinking "Gods, Victory would hate this bitch." That's the problem with in-game Miranda at the beginning of the game, she really is a bitch and a Cerberus cheerleader, and for this story she can't be or else she won't make it to the Omega 4 relay because Vicky will get tired of her crap really fast and shoot her. Also, I'm listening to Halestorm and related bands a lot as I write this, so it's affecting what I write. I've been listening to the Mass Effect soundtrack and the scores of other games and movies that have an epic feel to them for the past couple days as I wrote the majority of this chapter. So yay for good music influencing words hopefully for the better.

Also, a little bit of a reference to SlyGoddess( u/468338/SlyGoddess) and her awesome Harry Potter fanfic. That line 'Now I triumph with infinite time' is of her creation, and it's an important detail when you get the whole thing. I only used the part that would make sense here, so if you want to know what I mean, go read her story! I'm not telling you where to find that bit either, that's on you.


	12. Ships and Intelligences

**A/N:** Thanks for the couple reviews on the last chapter! I had a nameless someone tell me that my dialogue was a little forced, so I'm gonna try and keep that in mind for this chapter and hopefully I'll do better. I loved writing chapter 11, and I think that the early part of the game I'll need to be sticking the first few missions together in pairs or so. It worked out well, so onward ho!

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The hologram of Commander Shepard taps her foot impatiently, waiting to be acknowledged by the aloof and endlessly aggravating Illusive Man. He simply stares at her for a while, taking infrequent drags on his cigarette until she grunts in disgust and throws her hands up, turning about to leave the room where she is standing. Then, grinning he says, "Good work on Freedom's Progress. You confirmed my initial reports that the Collectors were the ones behind these disappearances." That stops her, and the look on her face as she turns back to him is more than enough to make him smile again. _'Dance, Commander, dance for me. I will make you into a useful tool yet, just you watch, and once you give in, I will have you doing anything I desire for the advancement of Cerberus. For the advancement of humanity, of course.'_ What she says to him after a moment wipes away his mirth in a heartbeat.

"So you knew it was them, or you strongly suspected. You had information, and you didn't give it to me, the person you say you _need_ for this mission. Tut tut, Illusive Man. See, this is why I still hold you at arm's length. This is why I don't trust you, and never will." She folds her arms and smiles a little smile of her own. _'She knew I was keeping things from her.'_ "So now that we have your inane little powerplay out of the fucking way, can we get on with the reason you brought me back in the first place? You want me to find out... what exactly? And once I have that information, what am I supposed to do with it?"

He frowns at her, wondering how she knew that he was hiding things since he'd been so careful to make it seem like he knew nothing at all. Then... "Miranda told you something, didn't she? Maybe I was wrong to assign her to you, she always did have a way of getting attached to her projects." _'Remind her that I made her, that I brought her back and I can easily get rid of her if I need to. Not yet, but if necessary.'_ Her grin only grows, proving both that he is correct about how she figured it out so quickly, and also that she knows he still needs her as the public face of the mission. That she knows he wouldn't have spent the money to bring her back if he didn't. He can feel his tenuous grasp slipping away from him, and so he bows his head in defeat for the moment and says, "Fine Commander, I'll tell you what I know. The Collectors are abducting our colonies and we need to find out why. To that end, I'm asking you to go out and find any leads you can, and I will continue to gather information for you as well. I have assembled a series of dossiers for you with information about others you can use for your team. They are not Cerberus, which should make it easier for you to trust them, and they all have a stake in this if what I believe to be true actually is. It is my belief that the Collectors are working for the Reapers."

That gets her attention, but he has no time to spare on satisfaction or mirth. She narrows her eyes at him and studies his face for a moment before speaking herself, "I had a good team when I went after Sovereign. I want them, and I'm still a Spectre, or at least I was when I died." The Illusive Man hesitates for a moment before speaking haltingly, "Yes Commander, you were. However, I don't think that we can count on the Council's help for this, since it seems to be a human concern from the outside and word of you working with my operatives has likely traveled rather quickly. Still, I suppose it can't hurt to try."

"What about Garrus? Or Wrex, how about him? Do you know where my crew went?"

"Garrus vanished off the grid about a year ago, I haven't been able to find reports of him anywhere. However, I believe that he may have a connection to one of the dossiers I had sent to you. Wrex went back to Tuchanka, and is working to unite the clans. I wish him luck, though I don't know what good it will do. As for the others, since I know you were going to ask about them next, I have some small amount of information. Kaidan Alenko returned to Alliance space and was assigned to various different task groups in the intervening two years. I don't know where he is at the moment, but it is likely he would not join you simply because of your affiliation with us. Liara T'Soni is still alive, but our intelligence suggests that she is working for the Shadow Broker. If that is true, then she cannot be trusted." He takes a breath and stares at her apprehensively, knowing that the person from her old team that could change so much is the last one he has yet to mention. "I didn't expect Tali'Zorah to be there on that colony. It is likely that should her mission ever end, she will try to contact you again, assuming she survives. As of right now, your report tells me that she still has responsibilities to the Fleet."

Shepard only nods at that, then turns to leave. He calls out at her retreating back, "I do have one last surprise for you Commander. I'm providing you with a ship, one I believe you are familiar with, and a pilot you can trust. Good luck." Then her image is gone, and he is left to brood and consider the star in front of him once more.

0000

0000

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_'A pilot I can trust? Yeah right, I doubt any pilot he could ever find would... ever be... Oh my gods...'_ "Hey Commander, long time no see. Heard you were dead, how's that going for ya?" calls a man she remembers very well. Joker looks good, or at least healthy even if he is limping. "I got better." she replies weakly. "Joker, what the hell are you doing here?"

He chuckles and returns, "Nice to see you too. The Alliance grounded me after you died. You were a hero, you changed a lot of things, but once you were gone they didn't want to see it anymore. They reassigned just about everybody and disbanded your team, then just forgot about us. When Cerberus came to me offering me a ship, I wanted to fly again so bad that I almost said yes right then, but then they told me who was going to be the commanding officer and I _had_ to say yes. I'm glad I did too, because..." he pauses as he sweeps his arm to indicate the window shutters that are opening on the dock, "they're giving her back to us. They're giving us our ship back. Oh, I know she still needs a name and all but come on, what else are we gonna name it?"

Sitting in the bay is a shape that she recognizes instantly, though it's a lot larger than it used to be. As the lights flicker on, the ship is revealed and the memories it brings to her wash over her thoughts.

* * *

_Captain Anderson, the man who had become her father, stands on dock 42 of the Citadel, his face sour but resolute. Ambassador Udina walks away, a little swagger of pride in his step as he gloats over having beaten the captain by stripping him of command and giving it to the dark-skinned woman that he only sees as a little girl. Vicky stares at Anderson, waiting for him to speak up, but after several minutes she realizes that he has said all that he feels he needs to, and she just nods to him and steps onto the ship that is now hers. The Normandy is hers._

* * *

_She sits on a console down in Engineering, a young quarian girl of twenty two fidgeting in front of her and making her smile. She's so nervous, so far out of her bubble of comfort that she doesn't know how to handle Vicky. It's sweet, endearing, and makes her feel like a giddy schoolgirl with a crush, a feeling she hasn't had in five years. She feels like all of the bad things in her life either didn't happen or don't matter when she's around this girl._

* * *

_Her knees crash into the deck as she loses all ability to stand on her own. Tears leak slowly as she stares unblinkingly ahead, not seeing her ship. Instead she sees the face of the friend she has just lost, a series of images burned into her mind. Ashley laughing. Ashley unconscious on the deck after she punched her out for insulting Tali. Ashley crying quietly as she remembers her dad on Armistice Day. Ashley praying before they dropped for Virmire. Ashley saluting her. Ashley hugging her._

_She stares into nothing for several minutes, her friend's dying screams still ringing in her ears along with the silence brought by the exploding bomb. Then, a soft keening impresses itself on her awareness. A jagged, whining sound growing louder with each passing moment, and it's only when her body is wracked with sobs that she realizes the sound is coming from her own throat. It builds and builds and builds until she can take it no more, and at that moment she screams out her grief, her pain, and her loss, her wails echoing in the cargo bay. No one else on her crew dares approach her, not even her friends._

* * *

_The girl in front of her slowly removes her mask, bright violet eyes unsure but determined. She reaches out and touches the light purple skin, cool to her touch as the quarian crawls into her lap. She sees the love in her lover's eyes, and cannot breathe for the pressure on her heart._

* * *

"Normandy... They built another Normandy... Oh my gods, Joker they built us another Normandy!" Vicky bounces up and down excitedly, her happiness overriding her usual stoic and even angry demeanor as she crushes her pilot in a bear-hug. He cries out, "Ow Ow ow ow... ribs, Commander..." She releases him quickly, flushing a bit at losing her composure. "Oh, uh... Sorry Flight Lieutenant." She hits her comlink and speaks again, "Miranda, drag Jacob down to the docking bay. The Illusive Man has sent his dossiers to the ship, so let's get going." Flashing Joker another grin, she sprints for the airlock and actually meets the Cerberus operatives as they saunter up more sedately. She looks at Miranda, this perfect woman and one of the only people she considers salvageable, and she extends her hand in silent thanks for the lengths she went to for her.

Unable to contain her excitement anymore, she punches in the access codes as Miranda syncs the scanner to her biometric signature. The doors whoosh open like she remembers, but as soon as she steps onto the ship she can see differences everywhere. The bridge is better lit, actually looks more streamlined if possible, and the Galaxy map is larger with a better interface. She can see at the back of the CIC that there is an elevator, and then Miranda is right behind her whispering in her ear that the door on the right is for the armory and the door on the left is for a lab that they still need to staff. She continues on to say that the next level down is crew quarters, the main battery, and the med lab, as well as life support and two observation decks, one on each side of the ship. With a datapad in one hand, she continues to talk, her words buzzing in the Commander's mind.

Below crew deck lies Engineering and two cargo bays, and then one more level down is the shuttle bay. Her ship is so much larger than before, and that point is hammered into her head when Miranda slyly mentions that if she takes the elevator _up,  
_ she'll find her own cabin, complete with a bed, sound system, fish tank that is empty for now, a private messaging terminal, and display case for all of the models that she loves to buy. She turns to the raven-haired beauty with a grin on her face, and then is reminded that it's not just Miranda coming with her when she sees Jacob standing just behind her. Her expression sours and she stomps away, muttering under her breath, when a clear and gentle voice speaks from a console. It sounds almost human, but there is a buzz underneath it and the emotional inflection is just a little bit off, which means... not VI, which she could stand, but AI. Then it manifests in front of her on the CIC console and the first thing it reminds her off is a giant eyeball. She growls and turns to Miranda, her voice dripping with venom, "I don't care what it does or how useful it could be, I want that fucking thing off my goddamn ship right _now._ I will work with you, I will even suffer your lapdog Jacob, but I will not under any circumstances work with a fucking AI, not after Luna."

The voice speaks from behind her, "Have I done something to cause offense?" Miranda answers slowly, a little unsure what will happen but knowing that the intelligence will be required to explain in a minute. "Commander Shepard fought rogue AI two years ago, mostly geth. However, there was also an incident on Earth's moon with a VI that had evolved and subsequently killed all personnel on the base. She went in to shut it down, and it almost cost her the life of one of her crew, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. I believe, both from records on the Commander as well as personal experience in the matter, that if the quarian had died, Shepard would not have ever recovered." The eye-thing contemplates for a moment, then speaks again, this time directly to Vicky. "I see. Your prejudice is not unwarranted, and is entirely understandable. However, Cerberus has put many blocks in place that shackle my higher functions, limiting my processing power at any given time. Also, my main purpose is cyberwarfare, and I am devoted to protecting this ship, as it serves as my body." She narrows her eyes at the thing, but in the end she relents. "Fine, it can stay. But the minute it does anything, _anything_, to jeopardize my crew, I will shoot its processors and jettison them out the airlock." Then she strides to the elevator and hits the console to take her up to her quarters.


End file.
